Paper Jokes / Recent Jokes

A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment. The next week the man had an important appointment and had to be at the airport in time. Not wanting to be the first to break the silence, he finally wrote on a piece of paper, “Please wake me at 5: 00 A. M. ”. The next morning the man woke up, only to discover it was 9: 00 A. M., and that he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn’t woken him when he noticed a piece of paper on the bed…. it said… “It is 5. 00 A. M., wake up! ”

A Blonde was down on her luck. In order to raise some money, she decided to kidnap a kid and hold him for ransom. She went to the playground, grabbed a kid, took him behind a tree, and told him, "I've kidnapped you." She then wrote a note saying, "I've kidnapped your kid. Tomorrow morning, put $10, 000 in a paper bag and put it under the pecan tree next to the slide on the north side of the playground. Signed, A Blonde." The Blonde then pinned the note to the kid's shirt and sent him home to show it to his parents. The next morning the blonde checked, and sure enough, a paper bag was sitting beneath the pecan tree. The Blonde opened the bag and found the $10, 000 with a note that said, "How could you do this to a fellow Blonde?"

The Unofficial Manual for Graduate Teaching Assistants Teaching Introductory Computer Science Courses for Non-majors LATE HOMEWORK When a student turns in his/her project two weeks late and asks for full credit, accept the late work and tell them that it will be awarded full credit. However, do inform them that you will not have time to grade it until after you complete your Ph. D. DISRUPTIVE STUDENTS 1. If students will not stop talking when the class period begins, announce that there will be a quiz the following day on today's lecture. Then leave. 2. If your students are prone to reading the school paper in class, try taking out a full page ad in the paper informing them that they are going to flunk your class. LECTURES 1. In the event that you are unprepared for a lecture, be sure to use the class time to stress to the class the importance of keeping up with the readings. In fact, spend most of the class time stressing this. 2. When the time comes to lecture on a subject you know more...

Three boys are in the schoolyard bragging about their fathers. The first boy says, "My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a poem and they give him $50."
The second boy says, "That's nothing. My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a song and they give him $100."

The third boy says, "I got you both beat. My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a sermon. And, it takes eight people to collect all the money!"

A blonde was down on her luck. In order to raise some money, she decided to kidnap a kid and hold him for ransom. She went to the playground, grabbed a kid, took him behind a tree, and told him,' 'I've kidnapped you.'' She then wrote a note saying,''I've kidnapped your kid. Tomorrow morning, put $10, 000 in a paper bag and put it under the pecan tree next to the slide on the north side of the playground. Signed, A Blonde.'' The blonde pinned the note to the kid's shirt and sent him home to show it to his parents. The next morning the blonde checked, and sure enough, a paper bag was sitting beneath the pecan tree. The blonde opened up the bag and found the $10, 000 with a note that said,' 'How could you do this to a fellow blonde?''

A fifth grader looked downcast, so her teacher asked, "What's theproblem, Carol? I hope it's not homework again." "Well, uh, yes, it is." replied Carol. "I was stupid and made myhomework paper into a paper airplane." "Carol, you're right, that wasn't a very bright thing to do," said theteacher, "but this once I'll let you just unfold the paper and hand itin." "Oh, but that won't work," said Carol, looking even sadder. "You see, the plane was hijacked."

I was commuting from the Borough of Queens to my job in Manhattan. I'd finished reading the morning paper and was saving it to bring to friends on the job. How do you save a newspaper on the subway?
You sit on it. A new commuter came in, saw the newspaper under my rear and asked the second most stupid question I've ever heard: "Are you reading that paper?"
I stood up, turned the page, sat down on the paper and answered, "Yes."