Parachute Jokes / Recent Jokes
A pilot, Michael Jordon, Bill Gates, the Pope, and a pizza delivery man were all in a plane together traveling through stormy conditions.
Suddenly, the pilot came running back to the passengers and announced that lightning had hit the plane, and they were going to crash in a matter of minutes. "There are only enough parachutes for four of the five of us," he announced. "Since I'm the pilot, I get one!" After saying this, the pilot grabbed a parachute and jumped out of the plane.
"I'm the world's greatest athlete," proclaimed Michael Jordon. "This world needs great athletes, so I must live." Michael Jordon then grabbed a parachute and leaped out of the plane.
"I'm the smarest man in the world," bragged Bill Gates. "The world needs smart men, so I must also live!" Bill Gates grabbed a parachute and jumped out of the plane.
At this point, the Pope began to speak. "I have lived a long life compared to more...
A man jumps out of an airplane with a parachute on his back. As he’s falling, he realizes hiss chute is broken. He doesn’t know anything about parachutes, but as the earth rapidly approaches, he realizes his options are limited; he takes off the parachute and tries to fix it himself on the way down. The wind is ripping past his face, he’s dropping like a rock, and at 5000 feet, another man goes shooting up past him. In desperation, the man with the chute looks up and yells, “Hey do you know anything about parachutes?! ”
The guy flying up looks down and yells, “No, do you know anything about gas stoves?! ”
You are one of TWO persons on a malfunctioning aeroplane with only one parachute. How would you react? Here are the likely responses from major groups of people:
Pessimist: you refuse the parachute because you might die on the jump anyway.
Optimist: you refuse the parachute because people have survived crashes just like this before and someone else will have a chance
that way.
Procrastinator: you play a game of Monopoly for the parachute.
Bureaucrat: you conduct a feasibility study on parachute use in multi-engine aircraft under code red conditions.
Lawyer: you charge one parachute for helping to sue the airline.
Doctor: you say you need to run more tests, then take the parachute in order to make your next appointment.
Sales Executive: you sell the parachute at top retail rates and get the names of their friends and relatives who might like one too.
Internal Revenue Service Inspector: you confiscate the parachute along with his luggage, more...
Just before a new redneck had his first parachute jump, his sergeant reminded him, "Count to ten, and then pull the first rip cord. If it snarls, pull the second rip cord for your auxiliary chute. After you land, our truck will pick
you up."
The paratrooper took a deep breath and jumped. He counted to ten and pulled the first cord. Nothing happened.
He pulled the second cord. Again, nothing happened.
As he plummeted to the ground, he said to himself, "I'll bet that truck won't be there either!"
A doctor, a lawyer, a little boy and a priest were out on a Sunday afternoon flight on a small private plane. Suddenly, the plane developed engine trouble. Despite of the best efforts of the pilot. The plane started to go down. Finally the pilot grabbed a parachute, yelled to the passengers that they had better jump, and bailed out. Unfortunately, there were only three parachutes remaining. The doctor grabbed one and said, "I'm a doctor, I save lives, so I must live." and jumped out. The lawyer then said, "I'm a lawyer and lawyers are the smartest people in the world, I deserve to live!" he grabbed a parachute and jumped. The priest looked at the little boy and said, "My son, Ive lived a long and full life. You are young and have your whole life ahead of you. Take the last parachute and live in peace." The little boy handed the parachute back to the priest and said, "Not to worry, Father. The smartest man in the world just took off with my back more...
A pilot, Michael Jordon, Bill Gates, the Pope, and a pizza delivery man were all in a plane together traveling through stormy conditions.
Suddenly, the pilot came running back to the passengers and announced that lightning had hit the plane, and they were going to crash in a matter of minutes. "There are only enough parachutes for four of the five of us," he announced. "Since I'm the pilot, I get one!" After saying this, the pilot grabbed a parachute and jumped out of the plane.
"I'm the world's greatest athlete," proclaimed Michael Jordon. "This world needs great athletes, so I must live." Michael Jordon then grabbed a parachute and leaped out of the plane.
"I'm the smarest man in the world," bragged Bill Gates. "The world needs smart men, so I must also live!" Bill Gates grabbed a parachute and jumped out of the plane.
At this point, the Pope began to speak. "I have lived a long life compared to you, more...
You are one of three people on a malfunctioning airplane with only one parachute. How would you react?
Pessimist: you refuse the parachute because you might die on the jump anyway.
Optimist: you refuse the parachute because people have survived crashes just like this before.
Procrastinator: you play a game of Monopoly for the parachute.
Bureaucrat: you order them to conduct a feasibility study on parachute use in multi-engine aircraft under code red conditions.
Computer Scientist: you design a machine capable of operating a parachute as well as a human being could.
Mathematician: you refuse to accept the parachute without proof that it will work in all cases.
Engineer: you make them another parachute out of aisle curtains and dental floss.
Psychoanalyst: you ask them what the shape of a parachute reminds them of.
Doctor: you tell them you need to run more tests, then take the parachute in order to make your next more...