Parachute Jokes / Recent Jokes

A man jumps out of an airplane with a parachute on his back. As he`s falling, he realizes hiss chute is broken. He doesn`t know anything about parachutes, but as the earth rapidly approaches, he realizes his options are limited; he takes off the parachute and tries to fix it himself on the way down. The wind is ripping past his face, he`s dropping like a rock, and at 5000 feet, another man goes shooting up past him. In desperation, the man with the chute looks up and yells, "Hey do you know anything about parachutes?!"The guy flying up looks down and yells, "No, do you know anything about gas stoves?!"

You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.

A doctor, a lawyer, a little boy and a priest were out for a Sunday afternoon flight on a small private plane. Suddenly, the plane developed engine trouble. In spite of the best efforts of the pilot, the plane started to go down. Finally, the pilot grabbed a parachute, yelled to the passengers that they had better jump, and bailed out. Unfortunately, there were only three parachutes remaining. The doctor grabbed one and said "I'm a doctor, I save lives, so I must live," and jumped out. The lawyer then said, "I'm a lawyer and lawyers are the smartest people in the world. I deserve to live." He also grabbed a parachute and jumped. The priest looked at the little boy and said, "My son, I've lived a long and full life. You are young and have your whole life ahead of you. Take the last parachute and live in peace." The little boy handed the parachute back to the priest and said, "Not to worry, Father. The' smartest man in the world' just took off with my more...

As a sergeant in a parachute regiment I took part in serveral night timeexcersises. Once, I was seated next to a Lieutenant fresh from Jump School. He was quiet sad looked a bit pale so I struck up a conversation." Scared, Lieutenant?", I asked. He replied, "No, just a bit apperhensive." I asked, "What's the diffrence??" He replied, "That means I'm scared with a university education."

A receptionist answered the phone in a busy office, "Good afternoon, Denver Parachute Club. How may I help you?"
"Pardon me, but isn't this the Denver Prostitute Club?" asked a startled man on the other end.
"No, sir," the embarrassed receptionist replied. "This is the Denver Parachute Club."
"Oh, dear," the man said. "I'm afraid I've made a big mistake. Your salesman called a week ago and signed me up for two jumps a week."

Once Laloo Yadav, Sonia Gandhi, a saint and a schoolboy were travelling by a private plane.
Suddenly the engine caught fire and the pilot came out shouting, "This plane is going to crash! And we have only four parachutes and there are five of us in the plane.
Since I am a very important Indian Airlines pilot I am taking one parachute and getting out of here." Saying this he rushed to the luggage area grabbed one parachute and jumped off the plane. Sonia Gandhi said, "Since I am the future Prime Minister of India I am very important and have to live!" She also grabbed a parachute and jumped.
Laloo Yadav said, "I am the king-maker of this country, the most honest politician of India and above all the most intelligent person living in this country, and the most intelligent person must live!" Saying so Laloo went to the luggage area, grabbed one and jumped off the plane.
The old saint said to the school boy, "There is only one more...

There's a plane flying over the Atlantic, with six passengers: a Frenchman, a pregnant French woman, an Englishman, a pregnant English woman, an Australian, and a pregnant Asian-Australian woman.
Lightning strikes both wings, and the plane is going out of control. The pilot rushes up to the passengers, and says "I'm sorry, but there's only 4 parachutes. As I'm the pilot, it's essential that I get back to tell everyone what happened to the plane; you'll have to work out who gets the other three parachutes", so saying, he jumps out of the plane, opens his parachute and floats down to the ground.
The Frenchman looks at the pregnant French woman, and says "France needs more Frenchmen, therefore I do this for my country" and he jumps out of the plane without a parachute. The Englishman looks at the pregnant English woman, and says "I do this for my country", and jumps out of the plane without a parachute. The Australian looks at the pregnant more...