Parachute Jokes / Recent Jokes

A Polak wanted to learn how to sky dive. He got an instructor and
started lessons. The instructor told the Polak to jump out of the
plane and pull his rip cord. The instructor then explained that he
himself would jump out right behind him so that they would go down
together. The Polak understood and was ready.
The time came to have the Polak jump from the air plane. The
instructor reminded the Polak that he would be right behind him. The
Polak proceeded to jump from the plane and after being in the air
for a few seconds pulled the rip cord. The instructor followed by
jumping from the plane. The instructor pulled his rip cord but the
parachute did not open. The instructor, frantically trying to get
his parachute open, darted past the Polak.
The Polak seeing this yelled, as he undid the straps to his
parachute, "So you wanna race, eh?"

A Polak wanted to learn how to sky dive. He got an instructor andstarted lessons. The instructor told the Polak to jump out of theplane and pull his rip cord. The instructor then explained that hehimself would jump out right behind him so that they would go downtogether. The Polak understood and was ready.The time came to have the Polak jump from the air plane. Theinstructor reminded the Polak that he would be right behind him. ThePolak proceeded to jump from the plane and after being in the airfor a few seconds pulled the rip cord. The instructor followed byjumping from the plane. The instructor pulled his rip cord but theparachute did not open. The instructor, frantically trying to gethis parachute open, darted past the Polak.The Polak seeing this yelled, as he undid the straps to hisparachute, "So you wanna race, eh?"

A young soldier was making his first parachute jump. The corporal explained the procedure "You count toten and pull the first ripcord. If the chute doesn'topen, pull the second. That should do it. Then, afteryou land, there'll be a truck waiting to pick you up." The soldier checked his gear, called out the customary"Geronimo!" and jumped out of the plane. He counted toten and pulled the ripcord. The chute failed to open. He pulled the second ripcord and the chute still didn'topen. As he plummeted downward, he said, "I'll bet thatgoddamn truck won't be there either!"

A woman answers the phone in a busy office, "Good morning, Cleveland Parachute Club".

A startled man on the other end replied, "Excuse me, but isn't this the Cleveland Prostitute Club"?

"Oh no sir", came the embarrassed reply, "this is the Cleveland Parachute Club".

"Damn!" said the man. "I'm afraid I made a big mistake. Last week your salesman called and signed me up for two jumps a week."

You are one of *two* people on a malfunctioning airplane with only one parachute. How would you react?

Pessimist: you refuse the parachute because you might die on the jump anyway.

Optimist:you refuse the parachute because people have survived crashes just like this before.

Procrastinator: you play a game of Monopoly for the parachute.

Bureaucrat:you order them to conduct a feasibility study on parachute use in multi-engine aircraft under code red conditions.

Lawyer:you charge one parachute for helping them sue the airline.

Doctor:you tell them you need to run more tests, then take the parachute in order to make your next appointment.

Sales executive: you sell them the parachute at top retail rates and get the names of their friends and relatives who might like one too.

Internal Revenue Service:you confiscate the parachute along with their luggage, wallet, and gold fillings.

Engineer:you more...

Words to live by: Do not argue with a spouse who is packing your parachute.

For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain.
Boycott shampoo! Demand the REAL poo!
Laughing stock: cattle with a sense of humor.
Televangelists: The Pro Wrestlers of religion.
All those who believe in psychokinesis raise my hand.