Parachute Jokes / Recent Jokes

I love a good joke and so here is my contribution to this
place. Here is one joke of many that I hope to stick up in the
Infolanka joke pages. I hope you like it.
Arjuna Kulatunga

You are one of a group of people on board an airplane. Suddenly the pilot enters the
cabin and says you are about to crash. Sadly there is only one parachute left.
Pessimist: You refuse the parachute because you might die in the jump anyway.
Optimist: You refuse the parachute because people have survived jumps like this
before.
Bureaucrat: You order a feasibility study on parachute usage in a multi engine aircraft
under code red conditions.
Internal Revenue Service: You confiscate the parachute along with the luggage,
wallets and gold filings.
Engineer: You make another parachute out of curtains and dental floss.
Mathematician: You refuse to accept the parachute without proof that it will work in
all cases.
Philosopher: You more...

One night, a Delta twin-engine puddle jumper was flying somewhere above New Jersey. There were five people on board: the pilot, Michael Jordan, Bill Gates, the Dali Lama, and a hippie. Suddenly, an illegal oxygen generator exploded loudly in the luggage compartment, and the passenger cabin began to fill with smoke. The cockpit door opened, and the pilot burst into the compartment.
"Gentlemen," he began, "I have good news and bad news. The bad news is that we're about to crash in New Jersey. The good news is that there are four parachutes, and I have one of them!" With that, the pilot threw open the door and jumped from the plane.
Michael Jordan was on his feet in a flash. "Gentlemen," he said, "I am the world's greatest athlete. The world needs great athletes. I think the world's greatest athlete should have a parachute!" With these words, he grabbed one of the remaining parachutes, and hurtled through the door and into the more...

You are one of two people on a malfunctioning airplane with only
one parachute. How would you react?
Pessimist
You refuse the parachute because you might die on the jump anyway.
Optimist
You refuse the parachute because people have survived crashes just like this
before.
Procrastinator
You play a game of Monopoly for the parachute.
Bureaucrat
You order them to conduct a feasibility study on parachute use in
multi-engine aircraft under code red conditions.
Lawyer
You charge one parachute for helping them sue the airline.
Doctor
You tell them you need to run more tests, then take the parachute in order
to make your next appointment.
Sales executive
You sell them the parachute at top retail rates and get the names of their
friends and relatives who might like one too.
Internal Revenue Service
You confiscate the parachute along with their luggage, wallet, and gold
fillings.
Advertiser
You more...

A doctor, a lawyer, a little boy and a priest were out for a Sunday afternoon flight on a small private plane. Suddenly, the plane developed engine trouble.

In spite of the best efforts of the pilot, the plane started to go down. Finally, the pilot grabbed a parachute, yelled to the passengers that they had better jump, and bailed out.

Unfortunately, there were only three parachutes remaining.

The doctor grabbed one and said "I`m a doctor, I save lives, so I must live," and jumped out.

The lawyer then said, "I`m a lawyer and lawyers are the smartest people in the world. I deserve to live."

He also grabbed a parachute and jumped.

The priest looked at the little boy and said, "My son, I`ve lived a long and full life. You are young and have your whole life ahead of you. Take the last parachute and live in peace."

The little boy handed the parachute back to the priest and said, more...

Army, Air Force, and Marine Generals were standing in front of a rappelling tower with a Navy Admiral. The Air Force General says to the others, "My men are the most courageous of the Armed Forces." "Ha!", said Army, "My men are the most courageous and I'll prove it." Army calls a Private over from the tower. He tells the Private, "I want you to jump off that tower- no rope, no parachute." "Yes, Sir!!!", the Private yells and proceeds to climb the tower. The Private walks to the edge, yells "Hoo-ahh!", and jumps off the tower. He is killed instantly upon impact. "That's nothing," the Air Force General said, bored. He calls a Senior Airman over. "Son, I want you to jump off that tower- no rope, no parachute. And I want you to do it with style." "Yes, Sir!!!", the Senior Airman yells. He climbs to the top of the tower, walks to the edge and jumps. He executes a swan dive that would make Greg more...

A man jumps out of an airplane with a parachute on his back. As hes falling, he realizes hiss chute is broken. He doesnt know anything about parachutes, but as the earth rapidly approaches, he realizes his options are limited; he takes off the parachute and tries to fix it himself on the way down. The wind is ripping past his face, hes dropping like a rock, and at 5000 feet, another man goes shooting up past him. In desperation, the man with the chute looks up and yells, "Hey do you know anything about parachutes?!"The guy flying up looks down and yells, "No, do you know anything about gas stoves?!"

In a military training camp some recruits get educated in parachuting. After
some weeks of training on the ground they have to do their first jump.
Before the jump the instructor recalls, "You leave the air plane, count till
three and pull the cord. The parachute should open then. If it does not, pull
the emergency cord. Then the emergency parachute will open. On the ground there
is a lorry waiting. We will meet on the lorry again. Good luck!"
The first recruit jumps, counts till three and pulls the cord. Nothing happens.
He pulls the emergency cord. Nothing happens. The recruit is not surprised and
says, "As far as I know the army, I bet the lorry will not be there, either."