Parent Jokes / Recent Jokes

"Son, you sure do ask a lot of questions," said the father. "Id like to know what would have happened if Id asked as many questions when I was a boy." "Perhaps," said the boy, "youdve been able to answer some of mine."

"Oh, no!" he gasped as he surveyed the disaster before him. Never in his 40 years of life had he seen anything like it. How anyone could have survived he did not know. He could only hope that somewhere amid the overwhelming destruction he would find his 16-year-old son. Only the slim hope of finding Danny kept him from turning and fleeing the scene.
He took a deep breath and proceeded. Walking was virtually impossible with so many things strewn across his path. He moved ahead slowly. "Danny! Danny!" he whispered to himself.
He tripped and almost fell several times. He heard someone, or something, move. At least he thought he did. Perhaps, he was just hoping he did. He shook his head and felt his gut tighten. He couldn't understand how this could have happened. There was some light but not enough to see very much. Something cold and wet brushed against his hand. He jerked it away.
In desperation, he took another step then cried out, more...

Q: Who is your closest parent?
A: Your mother because your father is farther

Martin had just received his brand new drivers license. The family troops out to the driveway, and climbs in the car, where he is going to take them for a ride for the first time. Dad immediately heads for the back seat, directly behind the newly minted driver. "Ill bet youre back there to get a change of scenery after all those months of sitting in the front passenger seat teaching me how to drive," says the beaming boy to his father. "Nope," comes dads reply, "Im gonna sit here and kick the back of your seat as you drive, just like youve been doing to me all these years."

"What are you reading?" demanded the father of his seven-year-old. "A story about a cow jumping over the moon," was the reply. "Throw that book away at once," he commanded. "How many times have I told you youre too young to read science fiction?"

Teddy came thundering down the stairs, much to his fathers annoyance. Teddy, he called, how many more times have I got to tell you to come down the stairs quietly? Now, go back up and come down like a civilised human being. There was a silence, and Teddy reappeared in the front room. Thats better, said his father. Now will you always come down stairs like that? Suits me, said Teddy. I slid down the bannister.

One day at school, the teacher was talking to the class about there parent's occupations.
Jane put up her hand and said, "My mother is a nurse".
The teacher said, "That's wonderful, she helps to cure sick people."
Andrew then out up his hand. "My father is a pilot," he said.
The teacher said, "Congratulations! Your father helps people get to where they are going."
Johnny then said, "Miss, my father plays the piano in a brothel."
The teacher quickly changed the topic, but kept it in her head for later reference.
At the parent/teacher night a month later Johnny's parents came to see the teacher and the teacher asked him if he really was a piano player in a brothel.
Johnny's father replied that he wasn't. But that is what he told Johnny because he didn't want to admit to being a lawyer.