Parent Jokes / Recent Jokes
A woman got on a bus holding a baby. The bus driver said: "Thats the ugliest baby Ive ever seen."In a huff, the woman slammed her fare into the fare box and took an aisle seat near the rear of the bus. The man seated next to her sensed that she was agitated and asked her what was wrong."The bus driver insulted me," she fumed. The man sympathized and said: "Why, hes a public servant and shouldnt say things to insult passengers.""Youre right," she said. "I think Ill go back up there and give him a piece of my mind.""Thats a good idea," the man said. "Here, let me hold your monkey."
Son: Where are the Himalayas? Father: If youd put things away, youd know where to find them.
Being a parent changes everything. But being a parent also changes with each baby. Here are some of the ways having a second and third child is different from having your first.Your Clothes1st baby: You begin wearing maternity clothes as soon as your OB/GYN confirms your pregnancy.2nd baby: You wear your regular clothes for as long as possible.3rd baby: Your maternity clothes ARE your regular clothes.---------------Preparing for the Birth1st baby: You practice your breathing religiously.2nd baby: You don`t bother practicing because you remember that last time, breathing didn`t do a thing.3rd baby: You ask for an epidural in your 8th month.---------------The Layette1st baby: You pre-wash your newborn`s clothes, color-coordinate them, and fold them neatly in the baby`s little bureau.2nd baby: You check to make sure that the clothes are clean and discard only the ones with the darkest stains.3rd baby: Boys can wear pink, can`t they?---------------Worries1st baby: At the first sign of more...
How many times have you heard the comment that people have to take a test to
drive a car, but anyone can be a parent? A test is needed. And not one with a bunch of Bozo questions like 'How many servings of vegetables are required for a three-year old female living in Boise who walks 4.3 miles a day?' No, this test will ask the REAL questions. Are you ready to find out if you have the right stuff to be a parent in the 90s? Get those number two pencils ready. And let's keep our eyes on our own papers, people.
Section One: Mathematics
For each problem, estimate the total number of times
this phrase is used per parent per week. (2 points per question)
I don't care what the other kids get to do.
... and this time I really mean it.
Somebody's going to get hurt doing that.
See, I told you somebody was going to get hurt doing that.
Now we're REALLY going to be late.
One... I'm counting... two... I'm counting...
Because I'm the Mommy more...
Q: How much does it cost to get married, Dad? A: I dont know son, Im still paying for it.