Parenthood Jokes / Recent Jokes

A father put his three year old daughter to bed, told her a story and listened to her prayers - which she ended by saying "God bless mommy, God bless daddy, God bless grandma, and good-bye grandpa."

The father said, "Why did you say good-bye grandpa?" The little girl said "I don't know daddy, it just seemed like the thing to do."

The next day grandpa died. Father thought it was a strange coincidence.

A few months later the father put the girl to bed and listened to her prayers, which went like this - "God bless mommy, God bless daddy and good-bye grandma. Next day the grandmother died.

My gosh, thought the father, this kid is in contact with the other side.

Several weeks later when the girl was going to bed the dad heard her say "God bless mommy and good-bye daddy."

He practically went into shock. Couldn't sleep all night and got up at the crack of dawn to go to his office. more...

A mother was working in the kitchen listening to her son playing with his new electric train in the living room. She heard the train stop and her son said, "All of you sons of bitches who want to get off, get the hell off now, cause this is the last stop! And all you sons of bitches who are returning and want to get on, get your asses on the train now, cause we're going down the tracks!"

The mother went into the living room and told her son, "We don't use that kind of language in this house. Now go to your room and stay there for TWO HOURS. When you come out, you may go back and play with your train, but only if you use nice language."

Two hours later, the boy came out of the bedroom and resumed playing with his train. Soon the train stopped and the mother heard her son say, "All passengers who are disembarking the train, please remember to take all of your belongings with you. We thank you for riding with us today and hope your trip was more...

"Oh, no!" he gasped as he surveyed the disaster before him. Never in his 40 years of life had he seen anything like it. How anyone could have survived he did not know. He could only hope that somewhere amid the overwhelming destruction he would find his 12-year-old son. Only the slim hope of finding Danny kept him from turning and fleeing the scene.

He took a deep breath and proceeded. Walking was virtually impossible with so many things strewn across his path. He moved ahead slowly. "Danny! Danny!" he whispered to himself. He tripped and almost fell several times.

He heard someone, or something, move. At least he thought he did. Perhaps, he was just hoping he did. He shook his head and felt his gut tighten. He couldn't understand how this could have happened. There was some light but not enough to see very much. Something cold and wet brushed against his hand. He jerked it away. In desperation, he took another step then cried out, more...

Once upon a time a four-year old boy was visiting his aunt and uncle. He was a very outspoken little boy and often had to be censured to say the right thing at the right time. One day at lunch, when the aunt had company, the little boy said, "Auntie, I want to tinkle." Auntie took the little boy aside and said, "Never say that, Sonny. If you want to tinkle, say "I want to whisper." The incident was forgotten.

That night when Uncle and Auntie were soundly sleeping, the little boy climbed into bed with them. He tugged at his uncle's shoulder and said, "Uncle, I want to whisper."

Uncle said, "All right, Sonny, don't wake Auntie up. Whisper in my ear."

The little boy was sent back to his parents the next day.

Father: Junior, what happened to you? You're a mess!

Junior: I challenged Joey to a duel!

Father: I see - very gentlemanly of you. I hope you gave him his choice of weapons.

Junior: Yeah, but who knew he'd pick his sister!