Parents Jokes / Recent Jokes
Because her student's were getting bored with show and tell, the teacher decided to have the children come to the front of the class to tell of any unusual hobbies their parents had.
First was a girl, who said, "My mother has a collection of antique dolls."
"Very good," said the teacher. "And you, Harold?"
Harold said, "My father is the champion golfer at his country club."
"Very good, Freddy?"
Freddy announced that his mother's roses won a prize at the Garden Club.
Then the teacher called on Little Johnny. He stood, but didn't say a word until the teacher asked, "Don't your parents do anything you can tell us about?"
Little Johnny thought, and then said, "About all I know is that my father eats light bulbs."
"My word!" said the teacher, "Are you sure?"
Little Johnny nodded. "I was passing their bedroom the other night when I heard my father say,' more...
1. You can name everyone you graduated with.
1a. Your graduation lasted 20 minutes.
2. You get a whiff of manure and think of home.
2a. You can smell the difference between different animals' manure.
3. You know what 4-H is.
3a. You were in 4-H.
3b. You can walk through the entire county fair in 15 minutes.
4. You ever went to "headlight parties".
4a. Your busiest intersection does not have a stop light.
5. You used to drag "main".
5a. You noticed when there was a new car in town.
6. You said the "f" word and your parents knew within the hour.
7. You schedule parties around the schedule of different police officers, since you know which ones will bust you and which ones won't.
8. You ever went cow-tipping.
9. You have gone to an auction as a social gathering.
10. You have ever partied with a guy who is 25, has no job, but is the "buyer" for all of the best parties.
11. You have more...
The greatest spectacle in sports, The Indy 500 (auto race) will be held next weekend. It is probably the single biggest party in the world (about 500,000 people attend). The race is almost secondary to the general debauchery that occurs. It seems like everyone shows up with a case of Budweiser and an attitude.
They allow spectators into the infield of the track, which is amazing since they can't see a single car the entire time. Those folks go just to party. There is one infamous area of the infield called the Snake Pit, where the motorcycle gangs hang out and cops don't even dare to go in alone.
Being from Indianapolis I have always gone to the race. Our family has the same seats in the stands every year, though I'm usually the only one who uses them. I've always taken my rowdy friends and had a good ole time.
This year, my wife has invited her parents to go with us. This will certainly put a big cramp in my race day style, so I created the following ripoff on Letterman's more...
1. You can name everyone you graduated with2. You get a whiff of manure and think of home3. You know what 4-H is4. You ever went to "headlight parties"5. You used to drag "main"6. You said the 'f' word and your parents knew within the hour7. You schedule parties around the schedule of different police officers, since you know which ones will bust you and which ones won't8. You ever went cow-tipping9. You have ever partied with a guy who is 25, has no job, but is the 'buyer' for all of the best parties10. You have parties at the same guy's house12. School gets cancelled for state sporting events13. The town social events are their children's14. You could never buy cigarettes because all the store clerks knew how old you were (and, if you were old enough, they'd tell your parents, anyhow)15. When you did find someone old enough and brave enough to buy smokes, you still had to go out to the country and drive on back roads to smoke them16. Social acceptance in town more...
There was this kid who wanted to divorce his parents, so he takes them to court.
The judge says, "do you want to live with your dad?" the kid says "no! he beats me!".
The judge says,"you want to live with your mom?" "no! she beats me too!".
So the judge says, "who do you want to live with then?"
The kid says, "The Cleveland Browns...they can't beat anybody!"
A young man goes into a drug store to buy condoms.
The pharmacist says the condoms come in packs of 3, 9 or 12 and asks
which the young man wants.
"Well," he said, "I've been seeing this girl for a while and she's
really hot. I want the condoms because I think tonight's "the" night.
We're having dinner with her parents, and then we're going out.
And I've got a feeling I'm gonna get lucky after that.
Once she's had me, she'll want me all the time, so you'd better give
me the 12 pack."
The young man makes his purchase and leaves.
Later that evening, he sits down to dinner with his girlfriend and her
parents.
He asks if he might give the blessing, and they agree. He begins the
prayer, but continues praying for several minutes.
The girl leans over and says, "You never told me that you were such a
religious person."
He leans more...