Park Jokes / Recent Jokes

Three elderly women, recently transplanted from the Northeast to a Florida retirement community, were getting acquainted at poolside. Inevitably, theirconversation turned to children. "My son is the most successful doctor on Park Avenue," announced one.
Not to be outdone, the second remarked, "My son is the most successful lawyer on Wall Street."
The third remained conspicuously silent. Sensing easier game, the first matron inquired, "And you, dear, do you have a son?"
"And is he a professional?" demanded the second.
"Well, not exactly," answered the third. "Actually, he's a plumber. And notonly that, he's gay."
Beaming, one of the poor woman's interrogators offered consolation: "Ah, he's not doing so well."
This time it was the third woman who smiled. "He's not doing too badly," she explained.
"He goes out with the most successful doctor on Park Avenue and the most more...

Memo from Director General to Manager:
Today at 11 o'clock there will be a total eclipse of the sun. This is when the sun disappears behind the moon for two minutes. As this is something that cannot be seen every day, time will be allowed for employees to view the eclipse in the car park. Staff should meet in the car park at ten to eleven, when I will deliver a short speech introducing the eclipse, and giving some background information. Safety goggles will be made available at a small cost.
Memo from Manager to Department Head:
Today at ten to eleven, all staff should meet in the car park. This will be followed by a total eclipse of the sun, which will disappear for two minutes. For a moderate cost, this will be made safe with goggles. The Director General will deliver a short speech beforehand to give us all some background information. This is not something that can be seen every day.
Memo from Department Head to Floor Manager:
The Director General will today more...

A woman is walking in the park when she sees a man playing chess with his cat. She says to the man "I cant believe what Im seeing, a cat that plays chess, what a clever animal!!" The man replied "Nah lady this cats not clever at all Im beating it 6 games to 1"

A police car pulls up in front of grandma Bessie's house and grandpa Morris gets out.

The polite policeman explained that this elderly gentleman said that he was lost in the park and couldn't find his way home.

"Oh, Morris," said grandma, "you've been going to that park for over 30 years! So how could you get lost?"

Leaning close to grandma so that the policeman couldn't hear, Morris whispered, "I wasn't lost; I was just too tired to walk home."

Confucious say: Man with hand in pocket feel cocky all day. Man who stand on toilethigh on pot. It is good for girl to meet boy in park, but better forboy to park meat in girl! Man who jizz in cash register come intomoney. Man who drop watch in toilet have shitty time. Man who fartin church must sit in own pew. Man who finger girl having period getcaught red handed. Man trapped in pantry have ass in jam. Baseballwrong--man with four balls cannot walk. Man who eat many prunes getgood run for money. Man who go to bed with itchy butt wake up withsmelly finger. Learn to masturbate--come in handy. Woman who pounceon dead rooster go down on limp cock. Man who buy drowned cat mustpay for wet pussy. Virgin like balloon--one prick, all gone.

Below are questions that people "actually asked" of Park Rangers around the country, proving once again that there is no known limit to the depths of human stupidity.
(Source: Outside Magazine)

Grand Canyon National Park...
Was this man-made?
Do you light it up at night?
I bought tickets for the elevator to the bottom -- where is it?
So where are the faces of the presidents?

Everglades National Park...
Are the alligators real?
Are the baby alligators for sale?
Where are all the rides?
What time does the two o'clock bus leave?

Denali National Park (Alaska)...
What time do you feed the bears?
Can you show me where the yeti lives?
How often do you mow the tundra?
How much does Mount McKinley weigh?

Mesa Verde National Park...
Did people build this, or did Indians?
Why did they build the ruins so close to the road?
What did they worship in the kivas -- more...

Below are questions that people "actually asked" of Park Rangers around the country, proving once again that there is no known limit to the depths of human stupidity.
(Source: Outside Magazine)
Grand Canyon National Park...
Was this man-made?
Do you light it up at night?
I bought tickets for the elevator to the bottom -- where is it?
So where are the faces of the presidents?
Everglades National Park...
Are the alligators real?
Are the baby alligators for sale?
Where are all the rides?
What time does the two o'clock bus leave?
Denali National Park (Alaska)...
What time do you feed the bears?
Can you show me where the yeti lives?
How often do you mow the tundra?
How much does Mount McKinley weigh?
Mesa Verde National Park...
Did people build this, or did Indians?
Why did they build the ruins so close to the road?
What did they worship in the kivas -- their own made-up more...