Parking Jokes / Recent Jokes
Before going to Europe on business, a man drove his Rolls-Royce to a downtown NY City bank and went in to ask for an immediate loan of $5,000.
The loan officer, taken aback, requested collateral. "Well, then, here are the keys to my Rolls-Royce", the man said.
The loan officer promptly had the car driven into the bank's underground parking for safe keeping, and gave him $5,000.
Two weeks later, the man walked through the bank's doors, and asked to settle up his loan and get his car back. "That will be $5,000 in principal, and $20.30 in Interest", the loan officer said. The man wrote out a check and started to walk away.
"Wait sir", the loan officer said, "while you were gone, I found out you are a millionaire. Why in the world would you need to borrow $5,000?"
The man smiled. "Where else could I park my Rolls-Royce in Manhattan for two weeks and pay only $20.30?
We do not advise following any of the below driving rules to any extent. Driving should be taken seriously at all times. The below jokes are simply here for entertainment purposes.
When using a metered entrance ramp, vehicles in the carpool lane do not need to stop. Similarly, vehicles NOT in the diamond lane also do not need to stop.
If, at any time, you have witnessed a green light, it is okay to proceed through the intersection, regardless of the current color of the light.
The shoulder becomes a lane if you are driving a Porsche.
If you paid more than $60, 000 for your car, you automatically have the right of way, regardless of the situation. This is especially applicable in parking lots.
Drive as quickly as possible through parking structures. Pass any open spot by at least four car lengths before backing up to claim it. Disregard the angry mob that has formed behind you.
Get to know your horn. Use it as often as possible.
While driving on the more...
Seen on the back of a truck (on the bumper):
< PASSING SIDE ===== SUICIDE ->
Sign on garage: "Don't even THINK of parking here!"
And reportedly on another: "Vehicles found parked here will be stolen by professional thieves, and left stripped somewhere in New Jersey."
This car insured by Smith & Wesson
This car insured by Don Corleone
Sardar Comes Back 2 His Car & Finds A Note Saying "Parking Fine"
He Writes A Note And Sticks It 2 Pole "Thanks 4 D Complement"
On a visit to Boston, I noticed a parking meter with a paper sack over it upon which was written: "Broken."A skeptical parking officer removed the bag, inserted a quarter in the meter and turned the dial. It worked perfectly. As the officer began to write a parking ticket, the car's owner rushed out of a nearby building."What are you doing?" he yelled after a quick glance at the meter.
"There's plenty of time left!"
My brother used to be a police officer in Chicago. (He's now a rather
high-up muckity-muck in the police dept., but that's beside the point.)
He's told me some amusing anecdotes from Chicago police-work.
There was one story about people shoveling the snow for a parking space
in front their house. This apparently is a problem for the Chicago
police every winter. What happens is that somebody will park in a
nearby parking lot, then slave away for how ever many hours it takes to
shovel out a car-sized space in front of his house, naturally so he can
park his car there. Then he goes back to the lot to get his car.
When he returns home, he finds that the space has been taken by some
_other_ car. He is, well, upset.
What most people do is write nasty notes etc. and place them on the
windshield of the offending vehicle. Where the police get involved,
however, is the occasional case where the individual vents his wrath
in somewhat more more...
Understanding Your PaycheckGROSS PAY: $1222. 02INCOME TAX OUTGO TAX STATE TAX INTERSTATE TAX COUNTY TAX 244. 40 45. 21 61. 10 5. 89 6. 11CITY TAX RURAL TAX BACK TAX FRONT TAX SIDE TAX 12. 22 4. 44 1. 11 1. 16 1. 61UP TAX DOWN TAX KNICKNACK TAX HACKENSAC TAX THUMBTAX 2. 22 1. 11 1. 98 3. 93 0. 98CARPET TAX SNACK TAX SURTAX MA'AM TAX PARKING FEE 0. 69 8. 32 3. 46 3. 46 5. 00NO PARKING FEE F. I. C. A. T. G. I. F. LIFE INS. HEALTH INS. 10. 00 81. 88 9. 95 5. 85 16. 23DISABILITY INS. ABILITY INS. LIABILITY INS. DENTAL INS. MENTAL INS. 2. 50 0. 25 3. 41 4. 50 4. 33FUNDAMENTAL INS COFFEE COFEE CUPS CALENDAR RENTAL FLOOR RENTAL 0. 11 6. 85 66. 51 3. 06 16. 85CHAIR RENTAL DESK RENTAL UNION DUES UNION DON'TS CASH ADVANCES 4. 32 4. 32 5. 85 3. 77 0. 69CASH RETREATS OVERTIME UNDERTIME EASTERN TIME CENTRAL TIME 121. 35 1. 26 54. 83 9. 00 8. 00MOUNTAIN TIME PACIFIC TIME DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME TIME OUT 7. 00 6. 00 4. 44 12. 21OXYGEN WATER ELECTRICITY HEAT AIR CONDITIONING 10. 02 16. 54 38. 23 51. 42 more...