Parody Jokes / Recent Jokes
Put THIS in your toaster...
Veteran Pillsbury spokesman Pop N. Fresh died yesterday. A severe yeast infection is blamed for shortening his life. He was 71.
Fresh was buried in one of the largest funeral ceremonies in recent years. Dozens of celebrities turned out, including Mrs. Butterworth, the California Raisins, Hungry Jack, Betty Crocker, and the Hostess Twinkies. The graveside was piled high with flours as longtime friend Aunt Jemima delivered the eulogy, describing Fresh as a man who' never knew how much he was kneaded.'
Fresh rose quickly in show business, but his later life was filled with many turnovers. He was not considered a very smart cookie, wasting much of his dough on half-baked schemes, and loafing around. Still, even as a crusty old man, he was a roll model for millions.
Fresh is survived by his second wife, a real tart. They have two children and one in the oven. The funeral will be tomorrow, at 350 for about 20 minutes.
The FDA is considering additional warnings on beer and alcohol bottles, such as:
1. Consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not
2. Consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like a jerk
3. Consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the same boring story over and over again until your friends want to SMASH YOUR HEAD IN
4. Consumption of alcohol may cause you to thay shings like thish
5. Consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex-lovers are really dying for you to telephone them at 4 in the morning
6. Consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell happened to your pants
7. Consumption of alcohol may cause you to roll over in the morning and see something really scary (whose species and or name you can't remember)
8. Consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of inexplicable rug burns on the forehead
9. Consumption of more...
Chicago (AP) -The Rev. Al Sharpton held a press conference today to blast Tiger Woods for the lack of diversity among his mistresses. Sharpton claims that the lack of African-American women among Woods' harem will have a negative affect on the black community, specifically young black girls.
"Why is it that a man who calls himself black can't bring himself to cheat on his wife with a black woman?" said Sharpton, speaking to a group of supporters in Harlem. "What does it say to young black girls everywhere when you pass them over? Shame on you Tiger Woods; what would your daddy say?"
Sharpton, who has long championed taking black women as mistresses, said that today's black athletes need to stop neglecting black women when it comes to extramarital affairs, and should follow the examples of positive black role models such as Jesse Jackson and Martin Luther King, Jr., both of whom cheated on their wives with black women.
Sharpton also more...
A Shorter, Harsher Titanic
(Scene 1)
KATE WINSLET: Why, this is a fancy boat, isn't it?
KATE'S WEASELLY FIANCE: Yes it certainly is. Here is the art you asked for. It is by an artist named' Picasso.' I am certain he will amount to nothing.
KATE: Ha ha ha. That is very funny to our 90's audience, because they know this priceless paintings will sink with the boat.
LEONARDO DICAPRIO: Hello, I'm Leonardo DiCaprio. Perhaps you have seen the many Internet sites dedicated to the worship of me. You are very pretty.
KATE: Thank you. So are you.
LEONARDO: I know. Prettier than you, in fact. I am going to put on my' brooding' face now, to ensure that women will keep coming back again and again to see this movie. Later, my white shirt will be soaking wet.
KATE: While you're doing that, I will concentrate on standing here and looking pretty, to keep the men in the audience interested until the boat sinks and more...
MICROSOFT:' If G.M. had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving twenty-five dollar cars that got one-thousand miles to the gallon.'
GENERAL MOTORS:' Perhaps, but if G.M. had developed technology the same way Microsoft has, we would all be driving cars with the following characteristics:
1. For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash twice a day. You would just accept this, repair the damage and drive on.
2. Every time the lines were repainted on the road, you would have to buy a new car. You would accept this too.
3. Occasionally, but most often during rush-hour or when you are running late, your car would just die on the freeway for no apparent reason. Again, you would just accept this, re-start, and drive on.
4. Occasionally, executing a normal maneuver, such as a left turn, will cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart. In such cases you would have to reinstall the engine. 5. more...
The Eight Days of Hanukkah
On the first night of Hanukkah my true love gave to me
Lox, bagels and some cream cheese
On the second night of Hanukkah, my true love gave to me
2 Kosher pickles and
Lox, bagels and some cream cheese
On the third night of Hanukkah, my true love gave to me
3 pounds of corned beef
2 Kosher pickles and
Lox, bagels and some cream cheese
On the fourth night of Hanukkah, my true love gave to me
4 potato latkes
3 pounds of corned beef
2 Kosher pickles and
Lox, bagels and some cream cheese
On the fifth night of Hanukkah, my true love gave to me
5 bowls of chicken soup
4 potato latkes
3 pounds of corned beef
2 Kosher pickles and
Lox, bagels and some cream cheese
On the sixth night of Hanukkah, my true love gave to me
6 pickled herrings
5 bowls of chicken soup
4 potato latkes
3 pounds of corned beef
2 more...
Friendship Plan Announced
This is an addendum to the new compensation/benefits package.
BOEING MANAGED FRIENDSHIP
Welcome to Boeing Managed Friendship, a whole new way of thinking about friends and relationships at work. With all the recent mergers and buyouts, it is difficult for most people to determine who their real friends are anymore. The Managed Friendship Plan (MFP) combines all the advantages of a traditional friendship network with company-approved representation and important cost-saving features.
How Does It Work?
Under the Plan, you choose your friends from a network of pre-screened accredited Friendship Providers (FPs). All your friendship needs are met by members of your Managed Friendship Staff.
What's Wrong with my Current Friends?
If you're like most people, you are receiving friendship services from a network of friendship providers haphazardly patched together from your old neighborhoods, more...