Pass Jokes / Recent Jokes

We do not advise following any of the below driving rules to any extent. Driving should be taken seriously at all times. The below jokes are simply here for entertainment purposes.
When using a metered entrance ramp, vehicles in the carpool lane do not need to stop. Similarly, vehicles NOT in the diamond lane also do not need to stop.
If, at any time, you have witnessed a green light, it is okay to proceed through the intersection, regardless of the current color of the light.
The shoulder becomes a lane if you are driving a Porsche.
If you paid more than $60, 000 for your car, you automatically have the right of way, regardless of the situation. This is especially applicable in parking lots.
Drive as quickly as possible through parking structures. Pass any open spot by at least four car lengths before backing up to claim it. Disregard the angry mob that has formed behind you.
Get to know your horn. Use it as often as possible.
While driving on the more...

This guy goes to a party without his wife. He hears this other guy say to his wife "Pass the sugar, Honey." and "Pass the honey, Sugar." He thinks this sort of speech is a good idea. So, the morning when he and his wife are eating breakfast, he says to his wife, "Pass the bacon, Pig."

11. Speak in a weird language. When they say they don't understand you say "Me no speak English"10. Keep cutting someone off. When they yell at you say "they made me do it!"9. Pick a car out and follow it. When the driver looks at you say "Hey wait a minute. You're not Dad!"8. If someone flicks you off look inside your car and yell back "You're right. It IS 1 o'clock.7. Whenever a car trys to pass you yell "Oh, it's on," and pass them back.6. Whenever you see someone speed, go "WHHHHOOOOOHHHHHOOOOOOOOO" like a siren and follow them. 5. When someone asks for directions, point both ways. 4. When someone yells an obscenity at you say "Is that you, Russell Jones? Cause if it is, i'm telling yo momma! 3. Ask other drivers if were over the border yet. Signify that you want them to say yes.2. Two Words: Egg Salad1. My Personal Favorite: Whenever one of those guys playing really loud rap is next to you at a traffic light, roll down more...

I chanced to pass a window While walking through a mall With nothing much upon my mind, Quite blank as I recall. I noticed in that window A cranky-faced old man, And why he looked so cranky I didn`t understand. Just why he looked at ME that way Was more than I could see Until I came to realize That cranky man was ME!

Four nuns happen to die at the same time and line up at the pearly
gates to enter heaven. St.
Peter says "Before you may pass through the gates sisters, I must ask
you each a question."
He looks at the first nun and says "Sister, have you ever touch a
man's penis?"
The nun holds up her index finger nervously and says "Only with this
one finger St. Peter."
St. Peter takes hold of her finger, dips it in holy water and says
"You may now pass through
the gates into heaven."
St. Peter looks at the second nun and asks "Have your ever touch a
man's penis my dear?"
Holding up her hand, she says,"Only with this one hand your holiness."
So St. Peter takes the sister's hand, dips it in holy water and lets
her walk through the gates.
He then turns and looks at nun #3 when suddenly nun #4 pushes her way
past #3 and
shoves her way up front.
St more...

Three guys die on Christmas Eve and are met at the Pearly Gates by St. Peter. "In honor of the Season," St. Peter says, "each of you must possess something that symbolizes Christmas."
The first man fumbles through his pockets and pulls out two lighters. Holding them up proudly, he flicks them on.
"What do they symbolize?" asks St. Peter.
"They're candles!" replies the man.
"Ah, yes! You may pass through the Pearly Gates," says St. Peter.
The second man fumbles through his pockets and pulls out a couple sets of keys. He holds them up proudly and shakes them.
"What do they symbolize?" inquires St. Peter.
"They're bells!" the man replies.
"Ah, yes! You may pass through the Pearly Gates," says St. Peter.
The third man fumbles desperately through his pockets. Finally, he pulls out a skimpy pair of silk panties and proudly holds them up.
Puzzled, St. Peter asks, "What more...

An elderly woman goes to the doctor. She says, "Doc, it's terrible, I pass gas all the time. Fortunately, it's odorless and silent, otherwise I'd be mortified. For example, I've passed gas ten times just since we've been talking, but it's odorless and silent so you can't tell." The doctor gives her some green pills and tells her to take one a day and come back in a week.
The woman comes back after taking the pills for a week. She says, "Doc, there's been a change but not for the better. I still pass gas all the time, but while it's still silent, now it smells terrible!"
The doctor says, "Well, I'm glad we cleared up your sinus blockage,now we'll have to work on your hearing."