Past Jokes / Recent Jokes

Man: How was your exam today?
Sardar: Fine, except for one question which was difficult
Man: Which one?
Sardar: What is the past tense of THINK? I thought... i
thought... i thought about it and wrote THUNK

Microsoft has just released it's update to TimeTraveller 1. 0 (TM), the popular computer application that turns Pentium-based PCs into time machines.
The first version of TimeTraveller, Microsoft now concedes, was not without problems. Unhappy users from around the world flooded the support line with calls. "My son was trying to go back a week earlier to do his history final a second time," one unhappy father from Johannesburg reportedly complained, "and he ended smack dab in the middle of the Boer War. What key do I push do get him back?" A caller from Bristol grumbled that his wife had got stuck a few hours in the past. "Me an' the missus can't agree on tea-time anymore," he grumbled, "an' she throws out the Guardian before it even arrives. "
TimeTraveller 1. 02 addresses the glitches that plagued the first release. The legions of women who lost technogeek partners to distant eras have been promised complementary copies of Widows' more...

Learn from the past
Live for today
Look for tomorrow
Take a nap this afternoon

Teacher:If I say "I am beautiful", what tense am i using?
Student:Past tense.

Two Jews walk past a church and see a big sign saying "Convert to Christianity and we'll pay you

There was a Japanese man who went to America for sightseeing. On the last day, he hailed a cab and told the driver to drive to the airport. During the journey, a Honda drove past the taxi. Thereupon, the man leaned out of the window excitedly and yelled, “Honda, very fast! Made in Japan! ”
After a while, a Toyota sped past the taxi. Again, the Japanese man leaned out of the window and yelled, “Toyota, very fast! Made in Japan! ”
And then a Mitsubishi sped past the taxi. For the third time, the Japanese leaned out of the window and yelled, “Mitsubishi, very fast! Made in Japan! ”
The driver was a little angry, but he kept quiet. And this went on for quite a number of cars. Finally, the taxi came to the airport. The fare was US$300.
The Japanese exclaimed, “Wah… so expensive! ”
There upon, the driver yelled back, “Meter, very fast! Made in Japan! ”

a nurse is walking past the morge. she walks past a guy with a large dick. she looks if any1 is around, then she talks off her clothes and rides his dick like its a horse.her boobs are flying around because they are so damn big. shes done, and she leaves. the dead guy is actually alive. he covers his head with the cloth and waits 4 another lady that cant find any1 to have sex with.