Pastor Jokes / Recent Jokes

Granny was in her eighties and much admired for her sweetness and kindness to all. The pastor came to call on her one afternoon early in the spring and she welcomed him into her parlor. He took a seat while she prepared some tea. As he sat facing her old pump organ, the minister noticed a cut glass bowl sitting on top of it, filled with water. In the water floated, of all things, a condom.
Imagine his shock and surprise! And curiosity! Surely, Miss Granny had flipped!! But he felt he couldn't mention the strange sight in her parlor.
When she returned with the tea and cookies they began to chat. The pastor tried to stifle his curiosity about the bowl of water and the floating item, but soon it got the better of him and he could resist no longer.

"Miss Granny," he said while pointing to the bowl, "I wonder if you could tell me about this?"
"Oh, yes", she replied, "Isn't it wonderful! I was walking down town last fall and I more...

It was the day after Christmas at a church in San Francisco. Pastor Mike was looking at the nativity scene outside when he noticed the baby Jesus was missing from the figures.
Immediately, Pastor Mike turned towards the church to call the police. But as he was about to do so, he saw little Jimmy with a red wagon, and in the wagon was the figure of the little infant, Jesus.
Pastor Mike walked up to Jimmy and said, "Well, Jimmy, where did you get the little infant?"
Jimmy replied, "I got him from the church."
"And why did you take him?"
With a sheepish smile, Jimmy said, "Well, about a week before Christmas I prayed to little Lord Jesus. I told him if he would bring me a red wagon for Christmas, I would give him a ride around the block in it."

In France, the young assistant pastors do not live in the main rectory. That is
reserved for the pastor and his housekeeper.
One day the pastor invited his new young assistant pastor to have dinner at the
rectory. While being served, the young pastor noticed how shapely and lovely the
housekeeper was and he wondered...
After the meal was over, the middle-aged pastor assured the young priest that
everything was purely professional and that she was the housekeeper and cook and
that was that.
About a week later the housekeeper came to the pastor and said, "Father, ever
since the new assistant came for dinner, I have not been able to find the
beautiful silver gravy ladle. You don't suppose he took it, do you?"
The pastor said, "Well, I doubt it but I'll write him a letter." So he wrote,
"Dear Father, I'm not saying that you did take the gravy ladle and I'm not
saying you did not take the gravy ladle. But the fact more...

A Pastor was walking past a pet shop one day when he noticed a sign in the window: "Christian Horse for Sale." Being that the Pastor owned a large ranch, he was immediately interested, and went into the shop.The owner took the Pastor out to the back, where he saw a beautiful Arabian stallion. He agreed to allow the Pastor to take a "test run."The Pastor grabbed the reins. "giddyap." The horse ignored him. "no, no," counseled the owner. This is a Christian horse. If you want him to move, you must say, "Praise the Lord!" The Pastor did as he was told, and the horse started off on a leisurely walk. However, he soon found that the horse would not stop. "He won't answer to 'Whoa', said the owner. It's "Amen."The Pastor decided that he liked the horse, so he bought him and took him home to his ranch in the country. He saddled the horse up again, said, "Praise the Lord," and went riding into the countryside.Suddenly, more...

Paul and his best friend were coming out of church one day, and the preacher was standing at the door as he always is to shake hands. He grabbed his friend by the hand and pulled him aside.

The Pastor said to him, "You need to join the Army of the Lord!"

Paul's friend replied, "I'm already in the Army of the Lord, Pastor."

Pastor questioned, "How come I don't see you except at Christmas and Easter?"

He whispered back, "I'm in the secret service."

A very popular local church was having a membership drive and three couples were being interviewed by the pastor. The pastor explained to them that in order to be accepted as members of the church, they would have to show their commitment to God by abstaining from sex for three weeks. He directed them to return in three weeks to meet with him, let him know whether or not they had honored this commitment, and he would make a decision on accepting them as members.
Three weeks later, the pastor was talking with the three couples and asked the first couple, an elderly couple, how they did. The husband explained that they had abstained from sex for the three weeks, and the pastor welcomed them as new members of the congregation.
The second couple, a middle-aged couple, explained that they had their urges but were able to abstain from sex for the three weeks. Again, the pastor welcomed the couple as new members of the congregation.
Finally, the third couple, a newlywed couple, more...

A boy was watching his father, a pastor, write a sermon.
"How do you know what to say?" he asked.
"Why, God tells me."
"Oh, then why do you keep crossing things out?"