Pastor Jokes / Recent Jokes

Mouse Balls

Some of the best humor is real-to-life. This story was related to me yesterday by the pastor himself (not a computer literate person by his own admission) as he told of a real phone call he received from the church secretary last week.

Secretary: Pastor, we've got a problem in the computer lab where you met with the confirmation class last week. Some of the boys in the class started messing with the mice.

Pastor: What?!?! {thinking: we've got mice in there????}

Secretary: Yeah, it seems some of the boys removed their balls.

Pastor: {incredulously:} Th..th...they did what?????? How in the world did they do that?

Secretary: They must have used a screwdriver or something.

Pastor: We've got some pretty sick boys... I... I... didn't even realize mice had balls...

Secretary: Yeah, they roll around on' em.

Pastor: What?????? {still thinking of the little fury real animals} more...

A church had a man in the choir who couldn't sing. Several people hinted to him that he could serve in other places, but he continued to come to the choir. The choir director became desperate and went to the pastor.
"You've got to get that man out of the choir," he said. "If you don't, I'm going to resign. The choir members are going to quit too. Please do something."
So the pastor went to the man and suggested, "Perhaps you should leave the choir."
"Why should I get out of the choir?" he asked.
"Well, five or six people have told me you can't sing."
That's nothing," the man snorted. "Fifty people have told me that you can't preach!"

TOP TEN THINGS YOU NEVER HEAR IN CHURCH...10. Hey! It`s my turn to sit in the front pew.9. I was so enthralled, I never noticed your sermon went 25 minutes over time.8. Personally I find witnessing much more enjoyable than golf.7. I`ve decided to give our church the $500 a month I used to send to TV evangelists.6. I volunteer to be the permanent teacher for the Junior High Sunday School class.5. Forget the denominational minimum salary, let`s pay our pastor so he can live like we do.4. I love it when we sing hymns I`ve never heard before!3. Since we`re all here, let`s start the service early.2. Pastor, we`d like to send you to this Bible seminar in the Bahamas.1. Nothing inspires me and strengthens my commitment like our annual stewardship campaign!

This is a compilation of actual Church Bulletins and Service
bloopers:
* Our next song is ''Angels We Have Heard Get High''.
* Don't let worry kill you-let the church help.
* Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community.
* For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
* Weight Watchers will meet a 7 p.m. at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.
* Jean will be leading a weight-management series Wednesday nights. She's used the program herself and has been growing like crazy!
* The rosebud on the altar this morning is to announce the birth of David Alan Belzer, the sin of Rev. and Mrs. Julius Belzer.
* This afternoon there will be a meeting in the South and North ends of the church. Children will be baptized at both ends.
* Tuesday at 4:00 p.m. there will be an ice cream social. All ladies giving milk will please come early.
* This being more...

This man and lady couldn't have any children, so they went to the pastor and asked for prayer.
The pastor prayed for them and annointed them with oil.
Sure enough about 9 months later they had triplet babies. The couple once again showed up at the pastor's study and as soon as the woman saw the pastor she ran up to him, threw her arms around him and gave him the biggest hug. "What was that all about"? He asked.
She replied "I'm just glad you used three in one oil and not WD40."

This is a compilation of actual Church Bulletins and Service bloopers:
Our next song is "Angels We Have Heard Get High".
Don't let worry kill you-let the church help.
Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community.
For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
Weight Watchers will meet a 7 p.m. at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.
Jean will be leading a weight-management series Wednesday nights. She's used the program herself and has been growing like crazy!
The rosebud on the altar this morning is to announce the birth of David Alan Belzer, the sin of Rev. and Mrs. Julius Belzer.
This afternoon there will be a meeting in the South and North ends of the church. Children will be baptized at both ends.
Tuesday at 4:00 p.m. there will be an ice cream social. All ladies giving milk will please come early.
This being Easter Sunday, we more...

During the wedding rehearsal, the groom approached the pastor with an unusual
offer.
"Look, I'll give you $100 if you'll change the wedding vows. When you get to me
and the part where I'm to promise to 'love, honor and obey' and 'forsaking all
others, be faithful to her forever,' I'd appreciate it if you'd just leave that
part out." He passed the minister a $100 bill and walked away satisfied.
It is now the day of the wedding, and the bride and groom have moved to that
part of the ceremony where the vows are exchanged. When it comes time for the
groom's vows, the pastor looks the young man in the eye and says:
"Will you promise to prostrate yourself before her, obey her every command and
wish, serve her breakfast in bed every morning of your life and swear eternally
before God and your lovely wife that you will not ever even look at another
woman, as long as you both shall live?"
The groom gulped and looked more...