Patch Jokes / Recent Jokes

An able-bodied seaman meets a pirate in a bar, and they take turns recounting their adventures at sea.

Noting the pirate's peg-leg, hook, and eye patch the seaman asks, "So, how did you end up with the peg-leg?"

The pirate replies, "We was caught in a monster storm off the cape and a giant wave swept me overboard. Just as they were pullin' me out, a school of sharks appeared and one of' em bit me leg off."

"Blimey!" said the seaman. "What about the hook?"

"Ahhhh...," mused the pirate, "we were boardin' a trader ship, pistols blastin' and swords swingin' this way and that. In the fracas me hand got chopped off."

"Zounds!" remarked the seaman. "And how came ye by the eye patch?"

"A seagull droppin' fell into me eye," answered the pirate.

"You lost your eye to a seagull dropping?" the sailor asked more...

There is a new Barbie doll on the market - Eye Patch Barbie. ..with a choice of eye patch colors: purple, hot pink, or aqua!

Police arrested Patrick Lawrence, a 22-year-old white male, resident of Dacula, GA, in a pumpkin patch at 11: 38 p. m. Friday. Lawrence will be charged with lewd and lascivious behavior, public indecency, and public intoxication at the Gwinnett County courthouse on Monday. The suspect allegedly stated that as he was passing a pumpkin patch, he decided to stop. "You know, a pumpkin is soft and squishy inside, and there was no one around here for miles. At least I thought there wasn't," he stated in a phone interview from the jail. Lawrence went on to state that he pulled over to the side of the road, picked out a pumpkin that he felt was appropriate to his purposes, cut a hole in it, and proceeded to satisfy his alleged "need." "I guess I was just really into it, you know?" he commented with evident embarrassment. In the process, Lawrence apparently failed to notice the Gwinnett County police car approaching and was unaware of his audience until officer more...

The pirate Red Beard was being interviewed by a newspaper reporter who was looking for juicy stories of excitement and derring-do. He told Red, "I'm sure my readers would love to hear the tale behind your pegleg." "Well, I was thrown from the ship during gale force winds, and before me mate could throw me a line, a shark bit me leg clean off!" The interviewer was sort of disappointed. "What about the hook at the end of your right arm?" "I lost it in a sword fight with the Captain of the Guard!" Again the reporter was disappointed. "Certainly there's an exciting story about the patch on your eye?" "One day, I was out on deck, and a bird flew over and pooped in me eye!" The reporter was amazed. "That's why you wear a patch?" "Well, I'd only had me hook a couple of days!"

The pirate Red Beard was being interviewed by a newspaper reporter who was looking for juicy stories of excitement and derring-do. He told Red, "I'm sure my readers would love to hear the tale behind your pegleg.""Well, I was thrown from the ship during galeforce winds, and before me mate could throw me a line, a shark bit me leg clean off."The interviewer was sort of disappointed. "What about the hook at the end of your right arm?""I lost it in a sword fight with the Captain of the Guard."Again the reporter was disappointed. "Certainly there's an exciting story about the patch on your eye?""One day, I was out on deck, and a bird flew over and crapped in me eye."The reporter was amazed. "That's why you wear a patch?""Well, I'd only had me hook a couple of days."

have a patch on the arm of your dobuk that says' black belt member' have a patch of a Korean flag that says' Taekwondo' underneath wear a raggedy black belt to show experience are the first to volunteer to ref do AUTOBOMBS still think you're in karate wear your medal throughout whole tournament think sweating means you're out of shape have an elaborately shaped and colored headgear made by' shihan' think being able to take a kick in the face makes you good constantly beg your instructor to open the windows and doors because you're sweating too much come to weigh-in dressed in your dobuk don't get any of these

There is a new Barbie doll on the market - Eye Patch Barbie. .. with a choice of eye patch colors: purple, hot pink, or aqua!