Patch Jokes / Recent Jokes

A farmer in the country discovered that some kids had been stealing fruit from his watermelon patch. So he put up a sign that read "WARNING! ONE OF THESE WATERMELONS CONTAINS RAT POISON!"
The farmer returned to the patch a week later and discovered that all of his watermelons were still there, but he found another sign that read "NOW TWO OF THEM DO!"

A seaman meets a pirate in a bar, and talk turns to their adventures on the sea. The seaman notes that the pirate has a peg-leg, an hook, and an eye patch. The seaman asks, "So, how did you end up with the peg-leg?"The pirate replies "We were in a storm at sea, and I was swept over board into a school of sharks. Just as my men were pulling me out, a shark bit my leg off.""Wow!" said the seaman. "What about your hook"?"Well...", replied the pirate, "We were boarding an enemy ship and were battling the other sailors with swords when one of the enemy cut my hand off.""Incredible!" remarked the seaman. "How did you get the eye patch"?"A seagull dropping fell into my eye.", replied the pirate."You lost your eye to a seagull dropping?" the sailor asked increduously."Well...", said the pirate, "..it was also my first day with the hook."

A seaman meets a pirate in a bar, and they take turns telling their adventures on the seas. The seaman notes that the pirate has a peg leg, a hook, and an eye patch.
Curious, the seaman asks "So, how did you end up with the peg-leg?"
The pirate replies "I was swept overboard into a school of sharks. Just as my men were pulling me out, a shark bit my leg off".
"Wow!" said the seaman. "What about the hook"?
"Well...", replied the pirate, "We were boarding an enemy ship and were battling the other sailors with swords. One of the enemies cut my hand clean off."
"Incredible!" remarked the seaman. "How did you get the eye patch"?
"A seagull dropping fell into my eye," replied the pirate.
"You lost your eye to a seagull dropping?" the sailor asked.
"Well..." said the pirate, "That was my first day with the hook."

The pirate Red Beard was being interviewed by a newspaper reporter who
was looking for juicy stories of excitement and derring-do. He told Red,
"I'm sure my readers would love to hear the tale behind your pegleg."
"Well, I was thrown from the ship during gale force winds, and before me
mate could throw me a line, a shark bit me leg clean off."
The interviewer was sort of disappointed. "What about the hook at the
end of your right arm?"
"I lost it in a sword fight with the Captain of the Guard."
Again the reporter was disappointed. "Certainly there's an exciting
story about the patch on your eye?"
"One day, I was out on deck, and a bird flew over and crapped in me eye."
The reporter was amazed. "That's why you wear a patch?"
"Well, I'd only had me hook a couple of days."

A seaman meets a pirate in a bar, and talk turns to their adventures on the sea. The seaman notes that the pirate has a peg-leg, a hook, and an eye patch. The seaman asks, "So, how did you end up with the peg-leg?" The pirate replies, "We were in a storm at sea, and I was swept overboard into a school of sharks. Just as my men were pulling me out, a shark bit my leg off." "Wow!" said the seaman. "What about your hook"? "Well", replied the pirate, "We were boarding an enemy ship and were battling the other sailors with swords. One of the enemy cut my hand off." "Incredible!" remarked the seaman. "How did you get the eye patch"? "A seagull dropping fell into my eye," replied the pirate."You lost your eye to a seagull dropping?," the sailor asked incredulously. "Well," said the pirate, "it was my first day with my hook"

A seaman meets a pirate in a bar, and talk turns to their adventures on the sea. The seaman notes that the pirate has a peg-leg, an hook, and an eye patch. The seaman asks, "So, how did you end up with the peg-leg?" The pirate replies "We were in a storm at sea, and I was swept over board into a school of sharks. Just as my men were pulling me out, a shark bit my leg off." "Wow!" said the seaman. "What about your hook"?" Well...", replied the pirate, "We were boarding an enemy ship and were battling the other sailors with swords when one of the enemy cut my hand off." "Incredible!" remarked the seaman. "How did you get the eye patch"?" A seagull dropping fell into my eye.", replied the pirate." You lost your eye to a seagull dropping?" the sailor asked increduously." Well...", said the pirate, ".. it was also my first day with the hook."

A farmer in the country has a watermelon patch and upon inspection he discovers that some of the local kids have been helping themselves to a feast.

The farmer thinks of ways to discourage this profit-eating situation. So he puts up a sign that reads: "WARNING! ONE OF THESE WATERMELONS CONTAINS CYANIDE!"

He smiled smugly as he watched the kids run off the next night without eating any of his melons.

The farmer returns to the watermelon patch a week later to discover that none of the watermelons have been eaten, but finds another sign that reads: "NOW THERE ARE TWO!"