Path Jokes / Recent Jokes

Taken from the May/June 1989 Utne Reader, which took this from
Shawn Gosieski, New Cyclist, Fall 1988. (and it has come in from
other sources -ed)
A Zen teacher saw five of his students returning from the market,
riding their bicycles. When they arrived at the monastery and had dismounted,
the teacher asked the students, "Why are you riding your bicycles?"
The first student replied, "The bicycle is carrying the sack of
potatoes. I am glad that I do not have to carry them on my back!" The
teacher praised the first student, "You are a smart boy! When you grow
old, you will not walk hunched over like I do."
The second student replied, "I love to watch the trees and fields
pass by as I roll down the path!" The teacher commended the second student,
"Your eyes are open, and you see the world."
The third student replied, "When I ride my bicycle, I am content
to chant nam myoho renge more...

When they say and what they really mean...

* SOPHISTICATED CITY LIVING - Next to a noisy bar.

* OLD WORLD CHARM - Has some woodwork, needs cleaning.

* CONTEMPORARY FEELING - Has no woodwork, needs cleaning.

* CLOSE TO LAKES - Impossible to park from April to October.

* WIDE OPEN FLOOR PLAN - Previous owner removed supporting walls.

* SECURITY SYSTEM - Neighbor has a dog.

* NEEDS TLC - Major structural damage.

* UPDATED KITCHEN - Sink no longer overflows.

* MOTIVATED SELLER - Has been on the market for 14 years.

* CONVENIENT - Located on freeway entrance ramp.

* MINT - Someone has spilled mouthwash on the carpet.

* NEUTRAL DECOR - No murals of nudes, or Elvis, but has brown walls.

* MOVE IN CONDITION - Front door missing.

* COZY - No room larger than 9 x 6.

* LOWER LEVEL FAMILY ROOM - Ping Pong table over sewer more...

A young reporter went to a retirement home to interview an aged but legendary explorer. The reporter asked the old man to tell him the most frightening experience he had ever had. The old explorer said, "Once I was hunting Bengal tigers in the jungles of India. I was on a narrow path and my faithful native gunbearer was behind me. Suddenly the largest tiger I have ever seen leaped onto the path in front of us. I turned to get my weapon only to find the native had fled. The tiger leapt toward me with a mighty ROARRRR! I soiled myself." The reporter said, "Under those circumstances anyone would have done the same." The old explorer said, "No, not then - just now when I went' ROARRRR!'"

At a golf course, four men approached the sixteenth tee. The straight fairway ran along a road and bike path fenced off on the left.

The first golfer teed off and hooked the ball in that direction. The ball went over the fence and bounced off the bike path onto the road, where it hit the tire of a moving bus and was knocked back on to the fairway.

As they all stood in amazement, one man asked him, "How on earth did you do that?"

He shrugged his shoulders and said, "You have to know the bus schedule."

"Following the path of least resistance is what makes rivers and men crooked."

Once upon a time, there was a blind rabbit and blind snake, both living in the same neighborhood. One beautiful day, the blind rabbit was hopping happily down the path toward his home, when he bumped into someone. Apologizingprofusely he explained, "I am blind, and didn't see you there." "Perfectly all right," said the snake, "because I am blind, too, and did not see to step out of your way."
A conversation followed, gradually becoming more intimate, and finally the snake said, "This is the best conversation I have had with anyone for a long time. Would you mind if I felt you to see what you are like?" "Why, no," said the rabbit. "Go right ahead." So the snake wrapped himself around the rabbit and shuffled and snuggled his coils, and said, "MMMM! You're soft and warm and fuzzy and cuddly... and those ears!
You must be a rabbit." "Why, that's right!" said the rabbit. "May I feel you?" more...

Many years ago in a small Indian village, A farmer had the misfortune Of owing a large sum of money to a village moneylender. The Moneylender, who was old and ugly, fancied the farmer's beautiful Daughter. So he proposed a bargain.
He said he would forgo the farmer's debt if he could marry his Daughter. Both the farmer and his daughter were horrified by the Proposal.
So the cunning money-lender suggested that they let Providence decide the matter.
He told them that he would put a black Pebble and a white pebble into an empty money bag. Then the girl would Have to pick one pebble from the bag.
1) If she picked the black pebble, she would become his wife and her father's debt would be forgiven.
2) If she picked the white pebble she need not marry him and her father's debt would still be forgiven.
3) But if she refused to pick a pebble, her father would be thrown into Jail.
They were standing on a pebble strewn path in the farmer's field. As They more...