Patient Jokes / Recent Jokes

As the doctor completed an examination of the patient, he said, "I can't find a cause for your complaint. Frankly, I think it's due to drinking.""In that case," said the patient, "I'll come back when you're sober!"

After watching an extremely attractive maternity-ward patient earnestly thumb through a telephone directory for several minutes, a hospital orderly finally asked if he could be of some help.
"No thanks," said the young mother, "I'm just looking for a name for my baby."
"But the hospital supplies a special booklet that lists every first name and its meaning," said the orderly.
"That won't help," said the girl, "my baby already has a first name."

Patient: My hair keeps falling out. What can you give me to keep it in?
Doctor: A shoebox.

Doctor: Did you know that there are more than 1, 000 bones in the human body?
Patient: Shhh, doctor! My dog's outside in the waiting room!

As the doctor completed an examination of the patient, he said, "I can't
find a cause for your complaint. Frankly, I think it's due to drinking."
"In that case," said the patient, "I'll come back when you're sober".

Nurse: "Doctor, don't cut so deep.
That's the third operating table you've ruined this month!"

A man speaks frantically into the phone, "My wife is pregnant,
and her contractions are only two minutes apart!"
"Is this her first child?" the doctor queries.
"No, you *idiot*!" the man shouts. "This is her *husband*!"

Patient: Doctor, I have a split personality.
Psychiatrist: more...

Munna bhai: Yeh doctor log operation karne se pehle Patient ko behosh kyun karte hain?

Circuit: Bolay to patient khud operation karna seekh na le is liye……

Mr.Watt rang the phone at the residence of Mr.Knott.
"Who's calling?" asked Knott.
"Watt."
"What is your name, please?"
"Watt's my name."
"That's what I asked you. What's your name?"
"That's what I told you. Watt's my name."
A long pause, and then from Watt, "Is this James Brown?"
"No, this is Knott."
"Please tell me your name."
"Will Knott."
YOU LEFT THE TALKERS AT A POINT WHERE THEY WERE TOTALLY CONFUSED.
READ THE REST OF WHAT HAPPENED...
"Why not?"
"Huh? What do you mean why not?"
"Yeah! Why won't you tell me your name?"
"But I told you my name!"
"Didn't you say you will not?"
"Not not, knott, Will Knott!"
"That's what I mean."
"So you know my name."
"Of course not!"
"Good. So now, what is more...

A man went to his doctor, seeking help for his terrible addiction to cigars. The doctor was quite familiar with his very compulsive patient, so recommended an unusual and quite drastic form of aversion therapy.
"When you go to bed tonight, take one of your cigars, unwrap it, and stick it completely up your butt. Then remove it, rewrap it, and place it back with all the others, in such a fashion as you can't tell which one it is. The aversion is obvious, you won't dare smoke any of them, not knowing which is the treated cigar."
"Thanks doc, I'll try it." And he did. But three weeks later he came back and saw the doctor again.
"What? My recommendation didn't work? It was supposed to be effective even in the most addictive of cases, such as yours is!" answered the doctor.
"Well, it kind of worked, doc. At least I was able to transfer my addiction," replied the patient.
"What is that supposed to mean?" demanded the more...

Jack and Don were patients in a mental hospital. As they were walking past the hospital pool one day, Jack suddenly dove into the deep end. He quickly sank to the bottom of the pool and remained there.
Without hesitation, Don jumped into the pool to save him. He swam to the bottom of the pool and pulled Jack out.
Upon hearing of Don's heroic act, the medical director ordered that he be immediately discharged from the hospital as he felt Don was okay and no longer required hospitalization.
"We have good news and bads news for you, Don," the director said. "The good news is we are going to discharge you because you have regained your senses. Since you were able to jump into the pool and save another patient, you must be mentally stable."
The director continued, "The bad news is the patient that you saved hung himself and died."
"Oh, he didn't hang himself," Don replied. "I hung him up to dry!"