Paul Jokes / Recent Jokes

Three men die and go to heaven and queue to meet St. Peter.

St. Peter: Hi, what`s your name?
Paul: My name is Paul.
St. Peter: Hi, Paul. Tell me, when you died, how much were you earning?
Paul: 120K.
St. Peter: Wow! Tell me, Paul, what were you doing to earn that kind of money?
Paul: I was a lawyer.
St. Peter: That`s great. Come on in. St. Peter then turned to the second man. Hi, what`s your name?
Roger: My name is Roger.
St. Peter: Hi, Roger. Tell me, when you died, how much were you earning?
Roger: 60K.
St. Peter: Hey, that`s great! Tell me, Roger:, what did you do for a living?
Roger: I was an accountant.
St. Peter: That`s very good. Come on in. St. Peter then turned to the second man. Hi, what`s your name?
John: My name is John.
St. Peter: Hi, John. Tell me, John, how much were you earning when you died?
John: About $23, 000.
St. Peter: Hey, that`s fantastic, John! Tell me, what instrument more...

Jesus, in a very worried state, convened all of his apostles
and disciples to an emergency meeting because of the high drug
consumption problem all over the world. After giving it much
thought they reached the conclusion that in order to better
deal with the problem, that they should try the drugs themselves
and then decide on the correct way to proceed. It was therefore
decided that a commission made up of some of the members return
to earth to get the different types of drugs.

The secret operation is effected and two days later the
commissioned disciples begin to return to heaven.

Jesus, waiting at the door, lets in the first disciple:
"Who is it?"
"It's Paul"
Jesus opens the door.
"What did you bring, Paul?"
"Hashish from Morocco"
"Very well son, come in."

"Who is it?"
"It's Mark"
Jesus opens the more...

Paul was ambling through a crowded street fair when he decided to stop and sit at a Palm Reader's table. Said the mysterious old woman, "For fifteen dollars, I can read your love line and tell your romantic future." Paul readily agreed and the reader took one look at his open palm and said, "I can see that you have no girlfriend." "That's true," said Paul. "Oh my goodness, you are extremely lonely, aren't you?" "Yes," Paul shamefully admitted. "That's amazing. Can you tell all of this from my love line?" "Love line? No, from the calluses and blisters."

If college students wrote the bible...
12. 'Blood of Christ' switched from red wine to keg beer.
11. Last Supper would have been eaten the next morning: cold!
10. Ten Commandments are actually only five, double-spaced, and written in a large font.
9. New edition every two years in order to limit reselling.
8. Forbidden fruit would have been eaten because it wasn't dorm food.
7. Paul's Letter to the Romans becomes Paul's E-Mail To: [email protected]
6. Reason Cain killed Abel: They were roommates.
5. The place where the end of the world occurs: Finals, not Armageddon.
4. Out go the mules; In come the mountain bikes.
3. Reason why Moses and followers walked in desert for 40 years: They didn't want to ask directions and look like Freshmen.
2. Tower of Babel blamed for Foreign Language requirement.
1. Instead of God creating the world in six days and resting on the seventh, He would have put it off until the night before it was due and then more...

One day God was hanging out at the Pearly Gates with St. Paul.
"I need to find someone to run for president," he said after a while.
Attentive to his boss' needs, St. Paul started naming off a few qualified candidates.
"Nah, I want that guy," he said pointing to a drunken Texas governor pissing off a balcony.
"You've got to be kidding," said St. Paul, "Not only is he dumber than a box of rocks, he's got drinking and drug problems."
"I don't care," said God, "This is the guy."
Perplexed, St. Paul asked: "What is the problem, Lord, art thou angry with the Americans?"
"No," said God, "I made a bet with the Devil that I could get a village idiot to run for president."
"But won't that work in the Devil's favor, oh Lord?" Paul asked.
"That's all right," said God, "he'll never take Florida."

One day God was hanging out at the Pearly Gates with St. Paul.
"I need to find someone to run for president," he said after a while.
Attentive to his boss' needs, St. Paul started naming off a few
qualified candidates.
"Nah, I want that guy," he said pointing to a drunken Texas governor
pissing off a balcony.
"You've got to be kidding," said St. Paul, "Not only is he dumber than
a box of rocks, he's got drinking and drug problems."
"I don't care," said God, "This is the guy."
Perplexed, St. Paul asked, "What is the problem, Lord, art thou angry
with the Americans?"
"No," said God, "I made a bet with the Devil that I could get a
village idiot to run for president."
"But won't that work in the Devil's favor, oh Lord?" Paul asked.
"That's all right," said God, "he'll never take Florida."

Paul returned from a doctor's visit one day and told his wife Alma that the doctor said he only had 24 hours to live. Wiping away her tears, he asked her to make love with him. Of course she agreed and they made passionate love.

Six hours later, Paul went to her again, and said, "Honey, now I only have 18 hours left to live. Maybe we could make love again?" Alma agrees and again they make love.

Later, Paul is getting into bed when he realized he now had only eight hours of life left. He touched Alma's shoulder and said, "Honey? Please? Just one more time before I die." She agreed, than afterward she rolled over and fell asleep.

Paul, however, heard the clock ticking in his head, and he tossed and turned until he was down to only four more hours. He tapped his wife on the shoulder to wake her up. "Honey, I only have four hours left! Could we...?"

His wife sat up abruptly, turned to him and said, "Listen more...