Paul Jokes / Recent Jokes

10). Loaves and Fishes replaced by Pizza and Chips
9). Ten Commandments are actually only five, but because they are double-spaced and written in a large font, they look like ten.
8). Forbidden fruit would have been eaten because it wasn't dorm food.
7). Paul's Letters to the Romans become Paul's E-Mail to the Romans.
6). Reason Cain killed Abel: They were roommates.
5). The place where the end of the world occurs, not the Plains of Armageddon, rather Finals.
4). Book of Armaments would be in there somewhere.
3). Reason why Moses and followers walked in desert for 40 years: They didn't want to ask directions and look like a Freshman.
2). Tower of Babel blamed for Foreign Language requirement.
1). Instead of God creating the world in six days and resting on the seventh, He would have put it off until the night before it was due and then pulled an all-nighter and hoped no one noticed.

Three friends die and go to heaven. The first guy gets handcuffed to one of the ugliest girls there.' 'Why?'' he asks. St. Paul replies,' 'When you were nine you killed a bird with a stone.'' The same happens to the second guy. He asks why. St. Paul replies,' 'When you were nine you killed a bird with a stone.'' The third guy laughs at his friends and says,' 'Thank God I didn't do anything like that.'' He gets handcuffed to the prettiest girl in heaven. The other two guys ask,' 'Why?''' 'Because when she was nine she killed a bird with a stone.

Two Poles, Markowski and Krachevski go to France on a pleasure trip. They meet this Frenchman called Jean Paul and become good pals. Jean Paul finds these two Poles some-what amusing and so he goes all out to make them happy. He treats them at pubs, bars, discotheques. This goes on for a while until one fine day Jean Paul does not turn up. The Poles assume that some important work would have held him up and do not take a serious note of it. But, perhaps something was serious as Jean Paul does not turn up for next five days. At this the Poles get alarmed and go to the police station to lodge a report. The inspector asks them to give details of the person who's missing. The following conversation follows: Markowski: Well, his name is Jean Paul. Inspector: It's a very common name in France. Something more please. Krachevski: Well, he is very tall. Inspector: Most of the people in France are tall. Big deal. Markowski: Well, he's got blue eyes. Inspector: Oh! no. Something more more...

Paul got a part time job at the Post Office. The first assignment his supervisor gave him was the job of sorting the mail.
Paul separated the letters so fast that his motions were literally a blur.
Extremely pleased by this, the supervisor approached Paul at the end of his first day. " I just want you to know," the supervisor said, " that I'm very pleased with the job you did today. You're one of the fastest workers we've ever had."
" Thank you, Sir" said Paul, beaming, "and tomorrow I'll try to do even better."
" Better?" the supervisor asked with astonishment. " How can you possibly do any better than you did today?"
Paul replied, "Tomorrow I'm going to read the addresses."

How offensive is that? Jesus has just been nailed to the cross and has begun to suffer from the wounds, A crowd has gathered to watch and sympathize with Him. As Jesus looks out over the gathering he calls to one of his apostle's. "Paul... Paul," He calls out.Paul hears his name and comes to the front of the gathering. "Yes Jesus, how may I serve you" he exclaims. Just then a guard comes up to Paul, cuts Paul's right arm off with his sword, and throws him back into the crowd, saying "No one is allowed to speak with the prisoner!" Jesus once again calls his name. "Paul...Paul", he calls. Paul, determined goes to the front of the gathering again. There he meets the same gaurd who this time cuts off the left arm, and both legs and throws him back into the crowd.Jesus yells out once again, "Paul,...Paul". Paul, who is now lying on his back on the ground attempts to roll to the front of the gathering. The guard seeing this determination and more...

John, Tom, Paul and Sam are playing golf one spring day, walking the course and chatting among themselves as golfers are want to do. It was a great day with pars, bogies and doubles liberally spread amongst the group.
As they arrived at the 11th green, nestled into the corner of the course at the intersection of two busy streets, John removed his hat and lowered his head as a large funeral procession passed by.
The other members of the foursome were more than a little impressed. "John," Paul said. "that is one of the nicest gestures I have ever seen. Most golfers would have putted out and gone on their way."
John looked up at the group with a tear in his eye. "It's the least I could do," He replied. "we would have been married twenty six years this Thursday."

Adam and Eve virus: Takes a couple of bytes out of your Apple.
Airline virus: You're in Dallas, but your data is in Singapore.
Anita Hill virus: Lies dormant for ten years.
Arnold Schwarzenegger virus: Terminates and stays resident. It'll be back.
AT&T virus: Every three minutes it tells you what great service you are getting.
The MCI virus: Every three minutes it reminds you that you're paying too much for the AT&T virus.
Bill Clinton virus: This virus mutates from region to region and we're not exactly sure what it does.
Bill Clinton virus: Promises to give equal time to all processes: 50% to poor, slow processes; 50% to middle-class processes, and 50% to rich ones. This virus protests your computer's involvement in other computer's affairs, even though it has been having one of its own for 12 years.
Congressional Virus: Overdraws your computer.
Congressional Virus: The computer locks up, screen splits erratically with a message appearing more...