Paul Jokes / Recent Jokes

How the Bible would have been different if written by college students:
Loaves and Fishes replaced by Pizza and Chips
Ten Commandments are actually only five, but because they are double-spaced and written in a large font, they look like ten.
Forbidden fruit would have been eaten because it wasn't dorm food.
Paul's Letters to the Romans become Paul's E-Mail to the Romans.
Reason Cain killed Abel: They were roommates. The place where the end of the world occurs, not the Plains of Armageddon, rather Finals.
Tower of Babel blamed for Foreign Language requirement. Reason why Moses and followers walked in desert for 40 years: They didn't want to ask directions and look like a Freshman.
Instead of God creating the world in six days and resting on the seventh, He would have put it off until the night before it was due and then pulled an all-nighter and hoped no one noticed.

How the Bible would have been different if written by college students:Loaves and Fishes replaced by Pizza and ChipsTen Commandments are actually only five, but because they are double-spaced and written in a large font, they look like ten.Forbidden fruit would have been eaten because it wasn't dorm food.Paul's Letters to the Romans become Paul's E-Mail to the Romans.Reason Cain killed Abel: They were roommates. The place where the end of the world occurs, not the Plains of Armageddon, rather Finals.Tower of Babel blamed for Foreign Language requirement. Reason why Moses and followers walked in desert for 40 years: They didn't want to ask directions and look like a Freshman.Instead of God creating the world in six days and resting on the seventh, He would have put it off until the night before it was due and then pulled an all-nighter and hoped no one noticed.

MICROSOFT Bids to Acquire Catholic Church

VATICAN CITY (AP) -- In a joint press conference in St. Peter`s Square this morning, MICROSOFT Corp. and the Vatican announced that the Redmond software giant will acquire the Roman Catholic Church in exchange for an unspecified number of shares of MICROSOFT common stock. If the deal goes through, it will be the first time a computer software company has acquired a major world religion.

With the acquisition, Pope John Paul II will become the senior vice-president of the combined company`s new Religious Software Division, while MICROSOFT senior vice-presidents Michael Maples and Steven Ballmer will be invested in the College of Cardinals, said MICROSOFT Chairman Bill Gates.

"We expect a lot of growth in the religious market in the next five to ten years," said Gates. "The combined resources of MICROSOFT and the Catholic Church will allow us to make religion easier and more fun for a broader range more...

MICROSOFT Bids to Acquire Catholic Church
By Hank Vorjes

VATICAN CITY (AP) -- In a joint press conference in St. Peter's Square this morning, MICROSOFT Corp. and the Vatican announced that the Redmond software giant will acquire the Roman Catholic Church in exchange for an unspecified number of shares of MICROSOFT common stock. If the deal goes through, it will be the first time a computer software company has acquired a major world religion.

With the acquisition, Pope John Paul II will become the senior vice-president of the combined company's new Religious Software Division, while MICROSOFT senior vice-presidents Michael Maples and Steven Ballmer will be invested in the College of Cardinals, said MICROSOFT Chairman Bill Gates.

"We expect a lot of growth in the religious market in the next five to ten years," said Gates. "The combined resources of MICROSOFT and the Catholic Church will allow us to make religion easier and more fun more...

Three men die and go to heaven and queue to meet St. Peter.
St. Peter: Hi, what's your name?
Paul: My name is Paul.
St. Peter: Hi, Paul. Tell me, when you died, how much were you earning?
Paul: 120K.
St. Peter: Wow! Tell me, Paul, what were you doing to earn that kind of money?
Paul: I was a lawyer.
St. Peter: That's great. Come on in. St. Peter then turned to the second man. Hi, what's your name?
Roger: My name is Roger.
St. Peter: Hi, Roger. Tell me, when you died, how much were you earning?
Roger: 60K.
St. Peter: Hey, that's great! Tell me, Roger:, what did you do for a living?
Roger: I was an accountant.
St. Peter: That's very good. Come on in. St. Peter then turned to the second man. Hi, what's your name?
John: My name is John.
St. Peter: Hi, John. Tell me, John, how much were you earning when you died?
John: About $23, 000.
St. Peter: Hey, that's fantastic, John! Tell me, what instrument did you more...

Absolute ZeroAbsolute vodka over frozen nitrogen
Alexander the GrrreatGin, creme de cacao and sweet cream over Cornflakes
American in ParisKentucky bourbon and champagne
Black SabbathKahlua and Mogen David wine
Blind FaithWood alcohol and sacramental wine
Blood ClotVodka, tomato juice and Jell-O
Bloody AwfulVodka and ketchup
Blue MoonCorn whiskey and Aqua Velva
Coleman CoolerWhite wine, soda, fried chicken crumbs and sand
Fuzzy Naval BasePeach schnapps, orange juice and ammonia
George BushGeorge Dickel bourbon and Busch beer
GorbachevVodka with a splash of port wine
Honeydew the DishesMidori and Dawn
Marie AntoinetteBourbon, cake mix, and flat beer
MartinizerGin, vermouth and carbon tetrachloride
Mary PoppinsVodka, tomato juice and a spoonful of sugar
Mexican HairlessTequila and Minoxidil
Oil of OleMazola and Sangria
Peter, Paul, and MaryPotassium nitrate, Paul Masson wine and tomato juice
Phillips' more...

What did Paul Revere say when he got on his horse? Giddy up horsey!