Paul Jokes / Recent Jokes
VATICAN CITY (AP) -- In a joint press conference in St. Peter's Square this morning, MICROSOFT Corp. and the Vatican announced that the Redmond software giant will acquire the Roman Catholic Church in exchange for an unspecified number of shares of MICROSOFT common stock. If the deal goes through, it will be the first time a computer software company has acquired a major world religion.
With the acquisition, Pope John Paul II will become the senior vice-president of the combined company's new Religious Software Division, while MICROSOFT senior vice-presidents Michael Maples and Steven Ballmer will be invested in the College of Cardinals, said MICROSOFT Chairman Bill Gates.
"We expect a lot of growth in the religious market in the next five to ten years," said Gates. "The combined resources of MICROSOFT and the Catholic Church will allow us to make religion easier and more fun for a broader range of people."
Through the MICROSOFT Network, the more...
There was a girl called mary and she was falling asleep in her R.E lesson, the teacher asked "mary who created the world?" the boy sitting behind her named Paul didn't want the class to get into trouble because mary was asleep and wouldn't answer the question so he jabbed her in the back with a pin and she cried "oh god!" and fell asleep again "very good mary!" the teacher said. Later, the teacher asked Mary "Who was the saviour of the world?" Paul jabbed mary with the pin again and she cried "jesus christ!!" and fell asleep again. Later the teacher wanted to test her knowledge and asked "Mary, what did eve say to adam after she had given birth to her 23rd baby?" Paul jabbed her in the back again and mary cried "if you stick that thing in me one more time i will snap it in half!!
These two gay guys named Paul and Maurice are having sex...Maurice pulls out and says to paul "listen im going to the bathroom...do not jack off wait until i come back ok?" "Ok" says Paul....So Maurice comes back to the bed and sees a huge load of cum on the sheets and says "Paul, what the fuck? I told you not to jack off until i got back..." to which Paul replies " I didn't...I farted..."
Paul tries to take his friend hunting, but when they get to his favorite hunting spot, they find “No Trespassing” signs everywhere. Paul tells his friend to wait in the car and walks up to the nearby farmhouse. The farmer answers the door, and Paul says, "Sir, I’ve hunted on this property all my life, but now I notice you have a bunch of signs up. I wanted to see if it was still OK for me to hunt here."
The farmer scratches his chin for a bit and says, "I’ll make you a deal. We’ve got this cow out back that we have to kill for food, but we’ve grown too attached to it. If you go out back and shoot my cow, I’ll let you hunt on my property."
Walking back to the car, Paul decides to play a joke on his friend. "That old bastard won’t let us hunt on his property," he tells him. "I’m going to shoot his cow!" He then walks over to the side of the house and-BLAM!
Suddenly two more shots ring out behind more...
Three friends die and go to heaven. The first guy gets handcuffed to one of the ugliest girls there.
''Why?'' he asks.
St. Paul replies,' 'When you were nine you killed a bird with a stone.'' The same happens to the second guy. He asks why.
St. Paul replies,' 'When you were nine you killed a bird with a stone.'' The third guy laughs at his friends and says,' 'Thank God I didn't do anything like that.'' He gets handcuffed to the prettiest girl in heaven. The other two guys ask,' 'Why?''
''Because when she was nine she killed a bird with a stone.''
Paul tries to take his friend hunting, but when they get to his favorite hunting spot, they find *No Trespassing* signs everywhere. Paul tells his friend to wait in the car and walks up to the nearby farmhouse. The farmer answers the door, and Paul says, "Sir, I've hunted on this property all my life, but now I notice you have a bunch of signs up. I wanted to see if it was still OK for me to hunt here."
The farmer scratches his chin for a bit and says, "I'll make you a deal. We've got this cow out back that we have to kill for food, but we've grown too attached to it. If you go out back and shoot my cow, I'll let you hunt on my property."
Walking back to the car, Paul decides to play a joke on his friend. "That old bastard won't let us hunt on his property," he tells him. "I'm going to shoot his cow!"
He then walks over to the side of the house and-BLAM! Suddenly two more shots ring out behind him, and his friend runs up, yelling, more...
Two guys are susposed to meet at 4:30. Charley shows up at4:30 and waits. Finally, at almost 5:00, Paul shows up andCharley says, "Where have you been? You're a 1/2 hour late."Paul replies, "Sorry, I had to go to the dentist. My dick'sbeen hurting bad."Charley says, "If your dick's been hurting, why did you goto the dentist?"Paul answers, "Because I had a tooth stuck in it."