Pearly Jokes / Recent Jokes

Three blondes died in a car crash trying to jump the Grand Canyon and are at the pearly gates of heaven. St.Peter tells them that they can enter the gates if they can answer one simple question. St. Peter asks the first blonde, "What is Easter?" The blonde replies, "Oh, that's easy! It's the holiday in November when everyone gets together, eats turkey, and are thankful..." "Wrong!, You must go to HELL" replies St. Peter, and proceeds to ask the second blonde the same question, "What is Easter?" The second blonde replies, "Easter is the holiday in December when we put up a nice tree, exchange presents, and celebrate the birth of Jesus." St. Peter looks at the second blonde, bangs his head in disgust on the Pearly Gates, tells her she's wrong and to go to HELL, and then peers over his glasses at the third blonde and asks,
"What is Easter?" The third blonde smiles confidently and looks St. Peter in the eyes, "I know more...

Three blondes died in a car crash trying to jump the Grand Canyon and are at the pearly gates of heaven. St.Peter tells them that they can enter the gates if they can answer one simple question.
St. Peter asks the first blonde, "What is Easter?"
The blonde replies, "Oh, that's easy! It's the holiday in November when everyone gets together, eats turkey, and are thankful..."
"Wrong!, You must go to HELL" replies St. Peter, and proceeds to ask the second blonde the same question, "What is Easter?"
The second blonde replies, "Easter is the holiday in December when we put up a nice tree, exchange presents, and celebrate the birth of Jesus."
St. Peter looks at the second blonde, bangs his head in disgust on the Pearly Gates, tells her she's wrong and to go to HELL, and then peers over his glasses at the third blonde and asks,
"What is Easter?"
The third blonde smiles confidently and looks St. Peter in more...

Three blondes died in a car crash trying to jump the Grand Canyon and are at the pearly gates of heaven. St.Peter tells them that they can enter the gates if they can answer one simple question.St. Peter asks the first blonde, "What is Easter?"The blonde replies, "Oh, that's easy! It's the holiday in November when everyone gets together, eats turkey, and are thankful...""Wrong!, You must go to HELL" replies St. Peter, and proceeds to ask the second blonde the same question, "What is Easter?"The second blonde replies, "Easter is the holiday in December when we put up a nice tree, exchange presents, and celebrate the birth of Jesus."St. Peter looks at the second blonde, bangs his head in disgust on the Pearly Gates, tells her she's wrong and to go to HELL, and then peers over his glasses at the third blonde and asks,"What is Easter?"The third blonde smiles confidently and looks St. Peter in the eyes, "I know what Easter more...

A man arrives at the Pearly Gates and finds that St. Peter is not there, but a computer terminal is sitting next to the arch. He walks up to it and sees "Welcome to www.Heaven.com. Please enter your User ID and Password to continue." He doesn't have either, but underneath the fields is a small line reading: "Forgot your ID or Password? Click Here." So he does.Up pops a screen which reads, "Please enter at least two of the following, and your pasword and ID will be e-mailed to you." The fields include "Name," "Date of birth," "Date of death," and "Favorite Food."The man enters his name and date of birth, and clicks "Submit."Up pops another screen which reads, "We are sorry, we did not find a match in our database. Would you like to register?" So the man clicks the button marked "Yes."A long and detailed form appears on the screen, and the man spends some time filling it out. Then he more...

3 contractors are in a bar after work enjoying a cold one, when a truck crashes into the bar killing all of them. They are at the pearly gates and Saint Peter say's "This is perfect the gates need repair and I can get three estimates" He asks the first contractor Bubba what it would take to fix the gates. Bubba walks over to the gates, inspects them, measures them and gives Saint peter an estimate of $750.
Saint Peter says thank you and asks the next contractor for an estimate. He walks over to the gates, inspects them, measures them and gives Saint Peter an estimate of $1500, and tells him I won't make a dime off this.
Saint Peter says thank you and asks the next contractor for an estimate. Anthony quickly gives Saint Peter a price of $2750. Saint Peter asks Anthony how he could come up with an estimate of two thousand seven hundred and fifty dollars without even inspecting or measuring the gates.
Anthony replys, It's easy Saint Peter, $1000 for you, $1000 more...

Clinton died and was standing at hte Pearly Gates. After knocking at the gates, St. Peter appeared. "Who goes there?" inquired St. Peter."'It's me, Bill Clinton." "And what do you want?" asked St. Peter. "Lemme in!" replied Clinton."Soooo," pondered Peter. "What bad things did you do on earth?"Clinton thought a bit and answered, "Well, I smoked marijuana but you shouldn't hold that against me because I didn't inhale. I guess I had extra-marital sex - but you shouldn't hold that against me because I didn't really have 'sexual relations.' And I lied, but I didn't commit perjury."After several moments of deliberation St. Peter replied, "OK, here's the deal. We'll send you someplace where it is very hot, but we won't call it 'Hell.' You'll be there for an indefinite period of time, but we won't call it 'eternity.' And don't abandon all hope' upon entering, just don't hold your breath waiting for it to freeze more...

Clinton died and was standing at the Pearly Gates. After knocking at the gates, St. Peter appeared.
"Who goes there?" inquired St. Peter.
"It's me, Bill Clinton."
"And what do you want?" asked St. Peter.
"Lemme in!" replied Clinton.
"Soooo," pondered Peter. "What bad things did you do on earth?"
Clinton thought a bit and answered, "Well, I smoked marijuana but you shouldn't hold that against me because I didn't inhale. I guess I had extra-marital sex - but you shouldn't hold that against me because I didn't really have 'sexual relations.' And I lied, but I didn't commit perjury."
After several moments of deliberation St. Peter replied, "OK, here's the deal. We'll send you someplace where it is very hot, but we won't call it 'Hell.' You'll be there for an indefinite period of time, but we won't call it 'eternity.' And don't abandon all hope upon entering, just don't hold your breath more...