Pearly Jokes / Recent Jokes

St. Peter was standing at the Pearly Gates when a man walked up.
“Welcome to Heaven, my son. What did you do with your life? ” asked St. Peter.
“I was a policeman, ” replied the man.
“What kind of policeman were you? ” St. Peter inquired.
“I was a vice officer. It was my job to keep dangerous narcotics out of the hands of children, ” explained the man.
“Excellent, my son. You may pass through the gates, ” said St. Peter.
A few seconds later a second man walked up.
“Welcome to Heaven, my son. What did you do with your life? ” asked St. Peter.
“I was a policeman, ” the man responded.
“What kind of policeman were you, ” inquired St. Peter.
“I was a traffic cop. It was my job to keep the roads and highways safe for travelers, ” answered the man.
“Very well done. You may pass through the gates, ” St. Peter said.
Moments later, a third man walked up.
“Welcome to Heaven, my son. What more...

One day while walking down the street a highly successful Human Resources Manager was tragically hit by a bus and she died. Her soul arrived up in heaven where she was met at the Pearly Gates by St. Peter himself.
"Welcome to Heaven," said St. Peter. "Before you get settled in though, it seems we have a problem. You see, strangely enough, we've never once had a Human Resources Manager make it this far and we're not really sure what to do with you."
"No problem, just let me in," said the woman.
"Well, I'd like to, but I have higher orders. What we're going to do is let you have a day in Hell and a day in Heaven and then you can choose whichever one you want to spend an eternity in."
"Actually, I think I've made up my mind, I prefer to stay in Heaven", said the woman
"Sorry, we have rules..." And with that St. Peter put the executive in an elevator and it went down-down-down to hell.
The doors more...

Saint Peter was manning the Pearly Gates when forty people from NewYork City showed up. Never having seen anyone from the Big Apple atheavens door, Saint Peter said he would have to check with God. After hearing the news, God instructed him to admit the ten mostvirtuous people from the group. A few minutes later, Saint Peterreturned to God breathless and said, "Theyre gone!" "What? All ofthe New Yorkers are gone?" asked God. "No!" replied Saint Peter. "The Pearly Gates!"

A lawyer died and arrived at the pearly gates. To his dismay, there were thousands of people ahead of him in line to see St. Peter. To his surprise, St. Peter left his desk at the gate and came down the long line to where the lawyer was, and greeted him warmly. Then St. Peter and one of his assistants took the lawyer by the hands and guided him up to the front of the line, and into a comfortable chair by his desk. The lawyer said, "I don't mind all this attention, but what makes me so special?"
St. Peter replied, "Well, I've added up all the hours for which you billed your clients, and by my calculation you must be about 193 years old!"

A lawyer died and arrived at the pearly gates. To his dismay, there were thousands of people ahead of him in line to see St. Peter. To his surprise, St. Peter left his desk at the gate and came down the long line to where the lawyer was, and greeted him warmly.
Then St. Peter and one of his assistants took the lawyer by the hands and guided him up to the front of the line, and into a comfortable chair by his desk.
The lawyer said, "I don't mind all this attention, but what makes me so special?"
St. Peter replied, "Well, I've added up all the hours for which you billed your clients, and by my calculation you must be about 196 years old!"

As everyone knows, everything is bigger in Texas. The roads are bigger, the
trees are bigger, and the wide open spaces are, well, wider. Texans wear
the biggest hats, the biggest boots, and drive the biggest cars.
One day, a Texan died and went to heaven. He was met at the pearly gates by
none other than St. Peter, who proceeded to give him a tour of the wonders
of heaven.
The Texan, however, was not impressed. St. Peter showed him the most
beautiful rivers, and the Texan said that they were bigger in Texas. St.
Peter revealed to him the majesty of mountains, but the Texan reminded him
that they were just as good, if not better, back in Texas. St. Peter showed
him the glory of the stars (they shine brighter in Texas), the enormity of
the sunrise (you haven't seen it until you've seen it in Texas), and the
simple wonder of a doe and a fawn drinking at a lake at sunset (reminiscent
of Lake Texarkana, only not as pretty). more...

St. Peter stood at the Pearly Gates, waiting for the incoming. He saw Jesus walking by and caught his attention. "Jesus, could you mind the gate while I go do an errand?"
"Sure," replied Jesus. "What do I have to do?"
"Just find out about the people who arrive. Ask about their background, their family, and their lives. Then decide if they deserve entry into Heaven."
"Sounds easy enough. OK."
So Jesus waited at the gates while St. Peter went off on his errand.
The first person to approach the gates was a wrinkled old man. Jesus summoned him to the examination table and sat across from him. Jesus peered at the old man and asked, "What was it you did for a living?"
The old man replied, "I was a carpenter."
Jesus remembered his own earthly existence and leaned forward. "Did you have any family?" he asked.
"Yes, I had a son, but I lost him."
Jesus leaned forward more...