Pearly Jokes / Recent Jokes

A lawyer died and arrived at the pearly gates. To his dismay, there were thousands of people ahead of him in line to see St. Peter.
To his surprise, St. Peter left his desk at the gate and came down the long line to where the laywer was, and greeted him warmly.
Then St. Peter and one of his assistants took the lawyer by the hands and guided him up to the front of the line, and into a comfortable chair by his desk.
The lawyer said, "I don't mind all this attention, but what makes me so special?"
St. Peter replied, "Well, I've added up all the hours for which you billed your clients, and by my calculation you must be at least 193 years old!"

The Pope died and went to heaven. When he got there, he found a lawyer in line in front of him at the Pearly Gates. Saint Peter came over and told the Pope, "Just a minute, I'll be right back". At that, Saint Peter took the lawyer away. When Saint Peter came back, he told the Pope, "Follow me to your new quarters." Along the way they passed many people in their heavenly abodes, and they happened to pass by the quarters of the lawyer who had preceded Saint Peter through the Pearly Gates. The Pope was awe-struck by the opulence and splendor of the lawyer's quarters. There were fine silks, rare foods and drinks, soft music, and attractive young women to serve him for eternity. Saint Peter and the Pope finally arrived at the Pope's new quarters. The Pope looked in and saw a 6 foot by 9 foot room with bare walls, a plain bed and a Bible for entertainment. The Pope said, "I don't want to sound ungrateful, but I am wondering why the lawyer gets such a magnificent more...

President Clinton died and knocked at the Pearly Gates. "Who goes there?" inquired St. Peter.

"It`s me, Bill Clinton".

"What bad things did you do on Earth?"

Clinton thought a bit and answered, "Well, I smoked marijuana, but you shouldn`t hold that against me because I didn`t inhale. I guess I had some affairs, but you couldn`t hold that against me because no one called them affairs! And I lied, but I didn`t commit perjury."

After several moments of deliberation St. Peter replied, "OK, here`s the deal. We`ll send you someplace where it is very hot, but we won`t call it `Hell.` You`ll be there for an indefinite period of time, but we won`t call it `eternity.` Don`t `abandon all hope` upon entering but don`t hold your breath waiting for it to freeze over."

A woman died and found herself standing outside the Pearly Gates, being greeted by St. Peter. She asked him, "Oh, is this place what I think it is? It's so beautiful! Did I make it into heaven?"
St. Peter replied, "Yes, my dear, these are the Gates to Heaven. But you must do one more thing before you may enter."
The woman was very excited, of course, and she asked St. Peter what she must do to pass through the gates. "Spell a word," St. Peter replied.
"What word?" she asked.
"Any word," St. Peter answered. "It's your choice."
The woman promptly replied, "Then the word I will spell is 'love.' 'L,' 'O,' 'V,' 'E,' 'love.'"
St. Peter congratulated her on making it into Heaven and asked her if she would mind taking his place at the gates for a few minutes while he ran a quick errand. "I'd be honored," she said, "but what should I do if someone comes while you're gone?"
St. more...

These three married couples died and when they got to the pearly gates. St.Peter told the first husband, "I can't let you in. You let alcohol run your life. You even married a girl named Sherry." Dejected, he turned and walked away. The next married couple stepped up, and St.Peter told the husband, "Can't let you in sir. While you were on earth, you allowed money to run your life. You even married a girl named Penny." The guy hung his head, turned and walked away. The husband of the third couple waiting in line, overheard both conversations and said, "Come on, Fanny, he's not going to let us in either."
Obsession is the Name "These three married couples died and when they got to the pearly gates. St.Peter told the first husband, I can't let you in. You let alcohol run your life. You even married a girl named Sherry. Dejected, he turned and walked away.The next married couple stepped up, and St.Peter told the husband, Can't let you in sir. While more...

A lawyer died and arrived at the pearly gates. To his dismay, there were thousands of people ahead of him in line to see St. Peter. To his surprise, St. Peter left his desk at the gate and came down the long line to where the lawyer was, and greeted him warmly.
Then St. Peter and one of his assistants took the lawyer by the hands and guided him up to the front of the line, and into a comfortable chair by his desk.
The lawyer said, "I don't mind all this attention, but what makes me so special?"
St. Peter replied, "Well, I've added up all the hours for which you billed your clients, and by my calculation you must be about 196 years old!"

One day while walking down the street a highly successful executive woman was tragically hit by a bus and she died. Her soul arrived up in heaven where she was met at the Pearly Gates by St. Peter himself. "Welcome to Heaven," said St.Peter. "Before you get settled in though, it seems we have a problem. You see, strangely enough, we've never once had an executive make it this far and we're not really sure what to do with you." "No problem, just let me in." said the woman. "Well, I'd like to, but I have higher orders. What we're going to do is let you have a day in Hell and a day in Heaven and then you can choose whichever one you want to spend an eternity in." "Actually, I think I've made up my mind...I prefer to stay in Heaven", said the woman. "Sorry, we have rules..." And with that St. Peter put the executive in an elevator and it went down-down-down to hell. The d oors opened and she found herself stepping out onto the more...