Penis Jokes / Recent Jokes

Tyrone, a black kid in kindergarten came home from school one afternoon and asked his father, "Daddy, is it true that black boys have bigger penises than white boys?"

"Did some little cracka-ass say that to you or somethin?" asked the dad.

Tyrone acknowledged this was correct.

"Well," his dad said, "tomorrow when you go to school and you're up takin' a leak at the urinal, get a good lookin' at yo classmates peckers and see if it's true."

So, the next morning, Tyrone went to school, went into the bathroom with a couple of his white classmates and went to take a piss in the urinal. Trying not to get caught, he inconspiculously glanced at their penises. Tyrone grinned.

Later that day, Tyrone came home and told his dad the news. "Daddy," he said, "It's true! All them crackas have smaller dicks that me!"

"Well, son, time to face the truth... it's cuz yo ass is more...

Jim had a date with a really, hot blonde and in preparation for it, he went on the rooftop of his apartment building to get a tan. Not wanting to have any tan lines, he decided to sunbathe in the nude. Unfortunately, Jim fell asleep. When he finally woke up, he was sunburned everywhere, including his member.
Determined to not let it ruin his big date, he hurried back to his apartment and immediately put some lotion on his penis to stop the burning.
His date arrived at his apartment and he treated her to a romantic dinner. After dinner, they were relaxing on the couch in his living room, watching a movie, when the soothing effects of the lotion began to wear off. Jim endured the pain for a short while and finally excused himself so he could apply more lotion, only to find that he had run out.
He recalled a friend telling him that milk was helpful in reducing sunburn pain, so he went into the kitchen, poured a large glass of cold milk, quickly placed his sunburned penis in more...

Three guys were on a trip to Saudi Arabia.
One day, they stumbled into a harem tent filled with over 100 beautiful women. They started getting friendly with all the women, when suddenly the Sheik came in.
"I am the master of all these women. No one else can touch them except me. You three men must pay for what you have done today. You will be punished in a way corresponding to your profession."
The sheik turns to the first man and asks him what he does for a living. "I'm a cop", says the first man. "Then we will shoot your penis off!", said the sheik.
He then turned to the second man and asked him what he did for a living. "I'm a firemen", said the second man. "Then we will burn your penis off!", said the sheik.
Finally, he asked the last man, "And you, what do you do for a living?" And the third man answered, with a sly grin, "I'm a lollipop salesman!"

After much discussion the scientific community decided to try to determine why the human penis was shaped the way it was. MIT allocated a budget of $200, 000 and after 2 years research decided the the head of the penis was bigger than the shaft so that during intercourse a better seal was maintained and thus preventing leakage and ensuring fertilization. Johns Hopkins Medical Center allocated a budget of $500, 000 and after 5 years research decided that the head was bigger than the shaft in order to provide more stimulation, ensure ejaculation and thus allow for impregnation. The fellows over at the University of Hawaii spent $2. 50, bought a copy of the latest Victoria's Secret catalog and reached the conclusion that the head is bigger to prevent your hand from slipping off!

A little guy goes into an elevator, looks up and sees this huge guy standing next to him. The big guy sees the little guy staring at him, looks down and says, "7 feet tall, 350 lbs., 20 inch penis, testicles 3 lbs. each, Turner Brown."
The small guy just faints dead away and falls to the floor. The big dude kneels down and brings him to, by slapping and shaking him. He asks, "Are you Ok?" In a very weak voice the little guy says, "Excuse me, but what did you just say to me?"
The big dude says, "When I saw the curious look on your face, I just figured I'd give you the answers to the questions everyone always asks me. "I'm 7 feet tall, weigh 350 lbs., have a 20 inch penis, my testicles weigh 3 lbs. each. And my name is Turner Brown."
The small guy says, "Thank God! I thought you said Turn Around".

Mr. Bell is an elderly man who resides in a nursing home. One day, he entered the nurses' office and advised Nurse Lewis that his penis had died.
Realizing that Mr. Bell was old and forgetful, Nurse Lewis decided to humor him and just play along. "It did? I'm sorry to hear that, Mr. Bell," she said.
A couple of days later, Nurse Lewis noticed Mr. Bell walking down the hall with his penis hanging out of his pants.
"Mr. Bell, I thought you told me your penis had died," she said.
"It did," he replied. "Today is the viewing."

Two Punjabi men, Santa Sahib & Banta Sahib, are visiting Madras. Desiring to buy condoms, they enter a medical store and approach the Tamilian shop-keeper.
"Oye! Santa, these chootiya (stupid) Madrasis don't know any Punjabi or Hindustani!" exclaims Banta in Punjabi just before they talk to the Tamilian. "So how will we tell him what we want?"
"Don't worry yaar! Sign language is a universal language! Just do as I do," replies Santa in Punjabi. With that, Santa pulls down his pyjamas, puts his fair penis onto the table & places a Rs 100 note next to it. The South Indian shop-keeper is amused but remains silent. Banta then likewise pulls down his pyjamas, puts his fair penis onto the table & places a Rs 100 note next to it. Grinning widely, the Tamil shop-keeper then pulls down his lungi and places his black penis onto the table, next to the genitals of the two Punjabi Sahibs.
The Dravidian laughs loudly as his one-foot long ebony more...