Penny Jokes / Recent Jokes

What do you get when you offer a blonde a penny for his thoughts? Change.

My husband and I had just finished tucking our five young ones into bed one evening when we heard sobbing coming from three-year-old Billy's room. Rushing to his side, we found him crying hysterically. He had accidentally swallowed a penny and was sure he was going to die. No amount of talking could change his mind.

Desperate to calm him, my husband palmed a penny that he happened to have in his pocket and pretended to pull it from Billy's ear.

Billy was delighted. In a flash, he snatched it from my husband's hand, swallowed it and demanded cheerfully, "Do it again, Dad!"

If the pen is mightier than the sword, in a duel I'll let you have the pen!

What do batteries run on?

Are there any questions?

I was cleaning out my closet and I found a swim suit that I had made out of sponges. I remember one time when I wore it. When I got out of the swimming pool nobody could go swimming until I came back.

I bought one of those little glass ball things with the snow in it. You know, you turn it upside down then you turn it back and it starts to snow. I bought one, except this has a snow plow that does it in rows.

[Later] I bought one of those little glass ball things with the snow in it... Just checking.

I busted a mirror and got seven years bad luck, but my lawyer thinks he can get me five.

Why is it, "A penny for your thoughts," but, "you have to put your two cents in?" Somebody's making a penny.

My dental hygienist is cute. Every time I visit, I eat a more...

Male responses to "A penny for your thoughts"
Anger
Silence
"What thoughts?"

My husband and I had just finished tucking our five young ones into bed one evening when we heard sobbing coming from three-year-old Billy's room. Rushing to his side, we found him crying hysterically. He had accidentally swallowed a penny and was sure he was going to die - no amount of talking could change his mind.
Desperate to calm him, my husband palmed a penny that he happened to have in his pocket and pretended to pull it from Billy's ear. Billy was delighted. In a flash, he snatched it from my husband's hand, swallowed it, and demanded cheerfully, "Do it again, Dad!"

My husband and I had just finished tucking our four young ones into bed one evening when we heard sobbing coming from three-year-old Eric's room.
Rushing to his side, we found him crying hysterically. He had accidentally swallowed a penny and was sure he was going to die. No amount of talking could change his mind.
Desperate to calm him, my husband palmed a penny that he happened to have in his pocket and pretended to pull it from Eric's ear.Eric was delighted.
In a flash, he snatched it from my husband's hand, swallowed it and demanded cheerfully, "Do it again, Dad!"

My husband and I had just finished tucking our four young ones into bed one evening when we heard sobbing coming from three-year-old Eric's room.Rushing to his side, we found him crying hysterically. He had accidentally swallowed a penny and was sure he was going to die. No amount of talking could change his mind.Desperate to calm him, my husband palmed a penny that he happened to have in his pocket and pretended to pull it from Eric's ear.Eric was delighted.In a flash, he snatched it from my husband's hand, swallowed it and demanded cheerfully, "Do it again, Dad!"