People Jokes / Recent Jokes

In the 1400's a law was set forth in England that a
man was allowed to beat his wife with a stick no
thicker than his thumb. Hence we have "the rule of
thumb"
Many years ago in Scotland, a new game was invented.
It was ruled "Gentlemen Only...Ladies Forbidden"...and
thus the word GOLF entered into the English language.
The first couple to be shown in bed together on prime
time TV were Fred and Wilma Flintstone.
Every day more money is printed for Monopoly than the
U.S.Treasury.
Men can read smaller print than women can; women can
hear better.
Coca-Cola was originally green.
It is impossible to lick your elbow.
The State with the highest percentage of people who
walk to work: Alaska
The percentage of Africa that is wilderness: 28% (now
get this...)
The percentage of North America that is wilderness:
38%
The cost of raising a medium-size dog to the age of
eleven: $6,400
The more...

Doctor, doctor everyone thinks I'm a liar."
Come now. I don't believe that."

Doctor, doctor People keep disagreeing with me
No they don't.

Doctor, doctor People keep ignoring me
Next please.

Doctor, doctor I think I'm a pair of curtains
Pull yourself together.

Doctor, doctor I think I'm a cricket ball
Hows that.

Doctor doctor I think I'm a billiard ball
Get to the end of the queue.

Doctor doctor I cant feel my legs
That's because we've cut your arms off.

Doctor doctor I think I need glasses
This is the post office.

Doctor doctor I think everyone hates me
Fuck off you irritating git.

...Johnny Depp has been chosen "Sexiest Man Alive" by readers of People Magazine, while yours truly has been chosen "Sexiest Man Alive" by readers of People Named Bix Brillo Magazine.

A self-centered, unbelieving man... ok a lawyer... died and was delivered into the devil's hands. "You will be spending eternity here, but I'll let you pick your own room from three I'll show you," the devil said.In the first room were thousands of people standing on their heads on a brick floor. "I don't like that," said the man. "Show me the second."In the second room were thousands of people standing on their heads on a wood floor. "Well, that's better than brick," the man said, "but show me the third."In the third, thousands of people were standing ankle-deep in a room full of maggot infested garbage, all drinking coffee. "I'll choose this room," he said. Into the room he went and the door slammed behind him.Immediately, the voice of a minor demon rang out, "O.K., coffee break is over, back on your heads."

1. Coca-cola was originally green.
2. Every day more money is printed for Monopoly than for the US Treasury.
3. Smartest dogs: 1) border collie; 2)poodle; 3)golden retriever.
4. Dumbest dog: Afghan
5. Hawaiian alphabet has 12 letters.
6. Men can read smaller print than women; women can hear better.
7. Chances that an American lives within 50 miles of where they grew up: 1 in 2
8. Amount American Airlines saved in '87 by taking out 1 olive from each salad served in first class: $40,000
9. City with the most Rolls Royce's per capita: Hong Kong
10. State with the highest percentage of people who walk to work: Alaska
11. Chances of a white Christmas in New York: 1 in 4
12. Portion of US annual rainfall that falls in April: 1/12
13. Percentage of Africa that is wilderness: 28%
14. Percentage of North America that is wilderness: 38%
15. Estimated % of American adults who go on diet each year: 44%
16. Barbie's measurements if she more...

Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom is?

The finance committee refuses to provide funds for the purchase of a
chandelier because none of the members knows how to play one.
Upon learning that Jesus fed the 5000, people ask whether the two fish
were bass or catfish, and what bait was used to catch 'em.
The pastor says, "I'd like to ask Bubba to help take up the offering." Then
five guys and two women stand up.
Opening day of deer season is recognized as an official church holiday.
A member of the church requests to be buried in his 4-wheel-drive truck
because "It ain't never been in a hole it couldn't get out of."
The choir is known as the "OK Chorale".
In a congregation of 500 members, there are only seven last names in the
church directory.
Baptism is referred to as "branding".
There is a special fund raiser for a new church septic tank.
Finding and returning lost sheep isn't just a parable.
High notes on the organ set the more...