Percent Jokes / Recent Jokes

With Viagra such a hit, Pfizer Pharmacuticals is bringing forth a whole line of drugs oriented towards improving the performance of men in today's society. According to company spokesman, Peter Riser, the following drugs are under testing now:DIRECTRA - a dose of this drug given to men before leaving on car trips caused 72 percent of them to stop and ask directions when they got lost, compared to a control group of0.2 percent.PROJECTRA - Men given this experimental new drug were far more likely to actually finish a household repair project before starting a new one.CHILDAGRA - Men taking this drug reported a sudden, over-whelming urge to perform more child-care tasks - especially cleaning up spills and "little" accidents.COMPLIMENTRA - In clinical trials, 82 percent of middle-aged men administered this drug noticed that their wives had a new hairstyle. Currently being tested to see if its effects extend to noticing new clothing.BUYAGRA - Married and otherwise attached men more...

The first 90 percent of the task takes 90 percent of the time, the last 10 percent takes the other 90 percent.

With Viagra such a hit, Pfizer is bringing forth a whole line of drugs oriented towards improving the performance of men in today's society.
DIRECTRA - A dose of this drug given to men before leaving on car trips caused 72 percent of them to stop and ask for directions when they got lost compared to a control group where only 0. 2 percent asked for directions.
PROJECTRA - Men given this experimental new drug were far more likely to actually finish a household repair project before starting a new one.
CHILDAGRA - Men taking this drug reported a sudden, overwhelming urge to perform more child-care tasks, especially cleaning up spills and little accidents.
COMPLIMENTRA - In clinical trials, 82 percent of middle-aged men administered this drug noticed that their wives had a new hairstyle. Currently being tested to see if its effects extend to noticing new clothing.
BUYAGRA - Married and otherwise attached men reported a sudden urge to buy their sweeties expensive more...

A Sri Lankan politician namely S. B. Dissanayake went to the U. S. to visit his counterpart. When the senator invited him home for dinner, the minister was very impressed by the lavish mansion and lush grounds and costly furnishings.

"But how can you afford all this on a meager senator's salary?" the minister asked. The sentaor smiled knowingly and took him to the window.
"You see that river?"
"Yes."
"You see the bridge over it?"
"Of course," said the minister.
"Just Ten percent of the project" the senator said smugly.
Some time later, the senator had occasion to pay a return visit. S. B lavished all hospitality on him. When they came to the minister's house, the American was stunned by the huge palace the minister had built, which glittered with precious art and bustled with hundreds of servants.

"But how can you possibly afford this, on a salary in Sri Lankan more...

Bread Is Dangerous
1. More than 98 percent of convicted felons are bread users.
2. Fully HALF of all children who grow up in bread consuming households score below average on standardized tests.
3. In the 18th century, when virtually all bread was baked in the home, the average life expectancy was less than 50 years; infant mortality rates were unacceptably high; many women died in childbirth; and diseases such as typhoid, yellow fever, and influenza ravaged whole nations.
4. More than 90 percent of violent crimes are committed within 24 hours of eating bread.
5. Bread has been proven to be addictive. Subjects deprived of bread and given only water to eat, begged for bread after as little as two days.
6. Bread is often a "gateway" food item, leading the user to "harder" items such as butter, jelly, peanut butter, and even cream cheese.
7. Bread has been proven to absorb water. Since the human body is more than 90 percent water, it more...

Adam and Eve virus: Takes a couple of bytes out of your Apple.

Airline virus: You`re in Dallas, but your data is in Singapore.

Anita Hill virus: Lies dormant for ten years.

Arnold Schwarzenegger virus: Terminates and stays resident. It`ll be back.

AT & T virus: Every three minutes it tells you what great service you are getting.

The MCI virus: Every three minutes it reminds you that you`re paying too much for the AT & T virus.

Bill Clinton virus: This virus mutates from region to region and we`re not exactly sure what it does.

Bill Clinton virus: Promises to give equal time to all processes: 50% to poor, slow processes; 50% to middle-class processes, and 50% to rich ones. This virus protests your computer`s involvement in other computer`s affairs, even though it has been having one of its own for 12 years.

Congressional Virus: Overdraws your computer.

Congressional Virus: The more...

The National Transportation Safety Board recently divulged they had, covertly, funded a project with U. S. auto makers for the past 5 years. The auto makers were installing black box voice recorders in four-wheel drive pickup trucks and SUVs in an effort to determine the circumstances of fatal accidents in the last 15 seconds before the crash.

They were surprised to find in 44 of the 50 states the recorded last words of drivers in 61. 2 percent of fatal crashes were,? Oh Shit!?

Only the states of Oklahoma, Tennessee, Missouri, Arkansas, Illinois, Oregon, and Texas were different, where 89. 3 percent of the final words were:? Hold my beer. I? m gonna try somethin.?