Percent Jokes / Recent Jokes

1. Ten percent of all car thieves are left-handed
2. All polar bears are left-handed
3. If your car is stolen, there`s a 10 percent chance it was taken by a Polar bear
1. 39 percent of unemployed men wear spectacles
2. 80 percent of employed men wear spectacles
3. Work stuffs up your eyesight
1. All dogs are animals
2. All cats are animals
3. Therefore, all dogs are cats
1. A total of 4000 cans are opened around the world every second
2. Ten babies are conceived around the world every second
3. Each time you open a can, you stand a 1 in 400 chance of becoming pregnant

The National Transportation Safety Board recently divulged they
had covertly funded a project with the U. S. auto maker for the
past five years, whereby the auto makers were installing black
boxes in four-wheel drive pick-up trucks in an effort to
determine, in fatal accidents, the circumstances in the last 15
seconds before the crash.
They were surprised to find in 49 of the 50 states the last
words of drivers in 74. 7 percent of fatal crashes were, "Oh,
Shit!"
Only the state of Texas was different, where 92. 3 percent of the
final words were, "Hey Y'all, hold my beer and watch this!"

1. Big Rock
2. Preston Manning
3. Tax is 7 percent instead of approx. 200 percent
4. The Premier is a fat alcoholic with a grade 4 education
5. Flames vs. Oilers
6. Stamps vs. Eskies
7. You can exploit almost any natural resource you can think of
8. Eventually, it will be your town's turn to ban VLT's
9. The Americans below you are all in anti-government militia groups
10. You can attempt to murder your rich oil tycoon husband and get away with it

The National Transportation Safety Board recently divulged they had covertly funded a project with the U.S. auto makers for the past five years, whereby the auto makers were installing black box voice recorders in pick-up trucks.
This was done in an effort to determine, when accidents occured, the circumstances in the last 15 seconds before the crash.
They were surprised to find in 49 of the 50 states the last words of drivers in 61.2 percent of crashes were, "Oh, Crap!"
Only the state of Alabama was different, where 89.3 percent of the final words were...
"Hold my beer and watch this!"

The National Transportation Safety Board recently divulged that they had for the past five years covertly funded a project with US auto makers whereby the auto makers installed black boxes in four wheel drive pickup trucks in an effort to determine, in fatal accidents, the circumstances in the last 15 seconds before the crash.
They were surprised to find in 44 of the 50 states that the last words of drivers in 61. 2 percent of fatal crashes were, "Oh, Shit!" Only the states of West Virginia, Georgia, Mississippi, Louisiana, Alabama, Texas, and Tennessee were different, where over 89. 3 percent of the final words were: "Hold my beer and watch this."

With Viagra such a hit, Pfizer is bringing forth a whole line of drugs oriented towards improving the performance of men in today's society.
DIRECTRA - A dose of this drug given to men before leaving on car trips caused 72 percent of them to stop and ask for directions when they got lost, compared to a control group where only 0. 2 percent asked for directions.
PROJECTRA - Men given this experimental new drug were far more likely to actually finish a household repair project before starting a new one.
CHILDAGRA - Men taking this drug reported a sudden, overwhelming urge to perform more child-care tasks-especially cleaning up spills and little accidents.
COMPLIMENTRA - In clinical trials, 82 percent of middle-aged men administered this drug noticed that their wives had a new hairstyle. Currently being tested to see if its effects extend to noticing new clothing.
BUYAGRA - Married and otherwise attached men reported a sudden urge to buy their sweeties expensive more...

With Viagra such a hit, Pfizer is bringing forth a whole line of drugs oriented towards improving the performance of men in today's society
DIRECTRA - a dose of this drug given to men before leaving on car trips caused 72 percent of them to stop and ask directions when they got lost, compared to a control group of 0. 2 percent.
PROJECTRA - Men given this experimental new drug were far more likely to actually finish a household repair project before starting a new one.
CHILDAGRA - Men taking this drug reported a sudden, over- whelming urge to perform more child-care tasks - especially cleaning up spills and "little accidents."
COMPLIMENTRA - In clinical trials, 82 percent of middle-aged men administered this drug noticed that their wives had a new hairstyle. Currently being tested to see if its effects extend to noticing new clothing.
BUYAGRA - Married and otherwise attached men reported a sudden urge to buy their sweeties expensive jewelry and gifts more...