Percent Jokes / Recent Jokes
10) They call me' Don Juan in diaper'. 9) I'm a 400 pound hunk of burnin' love. 8) Let's enjoy the traditional Japanese custom of gettin' it on. 7) Wanna wrassle? 6) I may look tubby, but I got an ass like a jackhammer. 5) People say I look like a young Paul Newman. 4) Wanna do it with a fat guy? 3) I'm 3 percent muscle, 50 percent fat, and 100 percent sex machine. 2) You can be on top. 1) I've got Mount Fuji in my pants
The following is supposedly a true story. To be included, besides being true, the story is most likely strange, weird, surprising, or funny. February 1, 1993A survey of home burglars' work preferences published in Whittle Communications' Special Report magazine revealed that 32 percent like to browse through family photographs while on the job, 27 percent like to raid the refrigerator, and 7 percent watch TV. Seventy percent of the 191 imprisoned burglars reported they like to limit their jobs to a 20-minute maximum, 17 percent wondered what their victims were like, and 59 percent said a dog in the home was the most effective burglary deterrent.
Three guys decided to form a partnership and go into business for themselves.
"Since I put up sixty-five percent of the capital," the first said, "I am appointing myself Chairman of the Board and President."
"I put up thirty percent," said the second, "therefore, I am appointing myself Vice-President, Secretary and Treasurer."
"Well, I put up five percent," the third partner said. "What does that make me?"
"I am appointing you Vice-President of sex and music," said the Chariman.
"That sounds good," said the third partner, "but what does it mean?"
"What it means is, if and when I want your advice, I'll whistle!" the Chariman said.
Shouldn't we go back for the drummer?
Oh no you don't! It's my turn to clean the bathroom.
Checkmate!
Go roll' em down the aisle all you want. They're only cymbals.
So, I just walked her home, kissed her goodnight, and came back to the bus.
No, the monitor mix was perfect. I just screwed up.
Twenty percent? Our manager should get at least 30 percent!!
Why is there porno in the VCR?
Can you believe all the money we're getting?
Boy, I can't wait till we get to Omaha!
No thanks, I don't want another beer.
Ladies, I need to see some proof of age please.
With Viagra such a hit, Pfizer Pharmacuticals is bringing forth a whole line of drugs oriented towards improving the performance of men in today's society. According to company spokesman, Peter Riser, the following drugs are under testing now:
DIRECTRA - a dose of this drug given to men before leaving on car trips caused 72 percent of them to stop and ask directions when they got lost, compared to a control group of
0. 2 percent.
PROJECTRA - Men given this experimental new drug were far more likely to actually finish a household repair project before starting a new one.
CHILDAGRA - Men taking this drug reported a sudden, over-whelming urge to perform more child-care tasks - especially cleaning up spills and "little" accidents.
COMPLIMENTRA - In clinical trials, 82 percent of middle-aged men administered this drug noticed that their wives had a new hairstyle. Currently being tested to see if its effects extend to noticing new more...
Attending a union convention in Las Vegas a union lighting man decides to visit a bordello. He goes into the first place, the ladies are lovely, and he asks the Madam, "Is this a union establishment?"
"Why, no, it isn't," the Madam replies.
"Well," the Union Man asks, "what percentage of the take goes to the girl?"
"We split the money, 20 percent to the girl and 80 percent to the house."
Feeling that wasn't a fair split the man left and went to another establishment. Again he asked the same questions and received a similar response. Although not a union house the split rate at this one was 30 percent to the girl and 70 percent to the house.
He continued his trek for some time until, finally, he came upon a Union House. "That's wonderful," he says to the Madam, "and what's the split?"
"We give 80 percent to the girl and keep just 20 percent for more...