Pet Jokes / Recent Jokes

A woman was thinking about finding a pet to help keep hercompany at home. She decided she would like to find a beautiful parrot; itwouldn't be as much work as say a dog, and it would be funto hear it speak. She went to a pet shop and immediatelyspotted a large beautiful parrot. She went to the owner of the store and asked how much. The owner said it was $50. Delighted that such a rare lookingand beautiful bird wasn't more expensive, she agreed to buy it. The owner looked at her and said, "Look, I should tell you firstthat this bird used to live in a whorehouse. Sometimes it sayspretty vulgar stuff."The woman thought about this, but decided she had to have thebird. She said she would buy it anyway. The petshop owner sold her the bird and she took it home. She hung the bird's cage up in her living room and waited for itto say something. The bird looked around the room, then at her, and said, "New house, new madam."The woman was a bit shocked at the implication, but more...

A woman went to a pet shop and immediately spotted a large, beautiful parrot. There was a sign on the cage that said $50. 00, which seemed awfully cheap.
"Why so little," she asked the pet storeowner.
The owner looked at her seriously and said, "Look, I should tell you first that this bird used to live in a house of Prostitution and sometimes it says some pretty vulgar stuff." The woman thought about this, but decided she had to have the bird anyway. She took it home and hung the bird`s cage up in her living room and waited for it to say something. The bird looked around the room, then at her, and said, "New house, new madam."
The woman was a bit shocked at the implication, but then found it kind of amusing.
When her two teenage daughters returned from school, the bird saw them enter and said, "New house, new madam, new girls."
The girls and the woman were a bit offended but then began to laugh about the situation more...

A man went into a pet shop to buy a parrot. He was shown an especially fine one which he liked the look of, but he was puzzled by the two strings which were tied to its feet. "What are they for?" he asked the pet shop manager. "Ah well, sir," came the reply, "that's a very unusual feature of this particular parrot. You see, he's a trained parrot, sir, he used to be in the circus. If you pull the string on his left foot he says' Hello' and if you pull the string on his left foot he says' Goodbye'." "And what happens if you pull both strings at once?" "I fall off my perch, you fool!" screeched the parrot.

A single man wanted someone to help him with the household chores, so he decided to get a pet to help out. He went to the local pet shop and asks the owner for advice on a suitable animal. The owner suggested a dog, but the man said, "Nah, dogs can't do dishes." The owner then suggested a cat, but the man said, "Nah, cats can't do the ironing" Finally the owner suggests a centipede, "This is the perfect pet for you. It can do anything!" OK, the man thought, I'll give it a try, so he bought it and took it home. Once home he told the centipede to wash the dishes. The centipede looks over and there are piles and piles of dirty dishes that look to be a month old. Five minutes later, all the pots are washed, dried and put away. Great, thought the man. Now he told the centipede to do the dusting and vacuuming. 15 minutes later the house is spotless. Wow, thought the man, so he decided to try another idea. "Go down to the corner and get me the evening more...

A man goes into a pet shop to buy a parrot. The shop owner points to three identical looking parrots on a perch and says, "the parrot on the left costs 500 dollars".

"Why does the parrot cost so much," asks the man.
The shop owner says, "well, the parrot knows how to use a computer".

The man then asks about the next parrot to be told that this one costs 1, 000 dollars because it can do everything the other parrot can do plus it knows how to use the UNIX operating system.

Naturally, the increasingly startled man asks about the third parrot to be told that it costs 2, 000 dollars. Needless to say this begs the question, "What can it do?"

To which the shop owner replies, "to be honest I have never seen it do a thing, but the other two call him boss!"

Why did a mans pet vulture not make a sound for five years? It was stuffed.

An accountant goes into a pet shop to buy a parrot. The shop owner shows him three identical parrots on a perch and says, "The parrot on the left costs $500.""Why does that parrot cost so much?" asks the accountant."Well," replies the owner, "it knows how to do complex audits.""How much does the middle parrot cost?" asks the accountant."That one costs $1, 000 because it can do everything the first one can do plus it knows how to prepare financial forecasts". The startled accountant asks about the third parrot, to be told it costs $4, 000. Needless to say, this begs the question, "What can it do?"To which the owner replies "To be honest, Ive never seen him do a darn thing, but the other two call him Senior Partner."