Pharmacist Jokes / Recent Jokes

Monica went up to the pharmacist and stated, "I need to buy condoms."
The pharmacist looked up and asked, "Shall I put it on your bill?"
"No, thanks," Monica responded. "I prefer to put them on him myself."

An elderly gentleman went to the local drug store and asked the pharmacist for Viagra.

The pharmacist said "That's no problem. How many do you want?"

The man answered, "Just a few, maybe 4, but cut each one in 4 pieces,"

The pharmacist said, "that won't do you any good,"

The elderly gentleman said, "That's all right. I don't need them for sex anymore as I am over 80 years old. I just want it to stick out far enough so I don't pee on my shoes."

A man walks into a pharmacy and goes to the counter. Standing behind the counter is a young woman."May I speak to the pharmacist?" he asks. "Well," she replies, "I am the pharmacist."He looks very uncomfortable, and asks for a *male* pharmacist, as he has a "male problem."She informs him that only she and her sister work at this particular establishment.He blushes and says, "Well, I really do need help, so I guess I'll ask you... I have a problem. I have a constant erection, and nothing I do seems to get rid of it. It's been like this for three months now. Can you give me anything for it?"The woman looks thoughtful, and says, "Hold on, I'll go in back and ask my sister."After a couple of minutes she returns and says, "We'll give you half of the business and it's profits, but that's all we can give you for it..."

Two old ladies are outside their nursing home, having a drink and a smoke, when it starts to rain. One of the old ladies pulls out a condom, cuts off the end, puts it over her cigarette, and continues smoking.
Maude: What in the hell is that?
Mabel: A condom. This way my cigarette doesn't get wet.
Maude: Where did you get it?
Mabel: You can get them at any drugstore.
The next day, Maude hobbles herself into the local drugstore and announces to the pharmacist that she wants a box of condoms.
The pharmacist, obviously embarrassed, looks at her kind of strangely (she is after all, over 80 years of age), but very delicately asks what brand of condom she prefers.
"Doesn't matter Sonny, as long as it fits on a BRISTOL."
The pharmacist fainted.

This guy walks into a pharmacy and says to the pharmacist "Listen, I have 3 girls coming over tonight. I never had 3 girls at once, I need something to keep me horny, keep me potent."
So the pharmacist reaches under the counter, unlocks the bottom drawer and takes out a small black cardboard box marked with an "X" and says "Here, if you eat this you'll go NUTS for 12 hours!"
The guy says "gimmee 3 boxes".
Same guy walks into the same pharmacy, right up to the same pharmacist and pulls down his pants. The pharmacist looks in horror as he notices the man's dick is black blue, the skin's hanging off in places. The man says "gimmee a bottle of Ben Gay."
To which the pharmacist replies "Ben Gay? You're not going to put BEN GAY on that are you?"
The guy says, "No it's for my arms, the girls didn't show up".

A policeman bitten by a dog came for treatment to the Safdarjang Hospital. He asked the pharmacist, "Arey bhai! Kuttey katne kee davaa dena - brother give me medicine for dog bite."
The pharmacist asked him, "Santree jee! Aap ko bhee kuttey nay kaat liya - how did a dog bite a policeman?"
The constable replied, "To tell you the truth, I was not wearing my uniform at the time."

This woman walks into a pharmacy and asks the pharmacist for some arsenic. He asks "What for?"She says "I want to kill my husband".He says "Sorry, I can't do that."She then reaches inter her handbag a pulls out a photo of her husbandin bed with the pharmacist's wife and hands it to him.He says, "You didn't tell me you had a prescription..."