Phaser Jokes / Recent Jokes

Your shuttlecraft has been up on blocks for over a month
He paints flames and a NRA sticker on the warp nacelles
You have a shuttle called "Billy Joe Bob"
He refers to Klingons as "Critters"
He refers to Photon Torpedoes as "Popguns"
He has the sensor array repaired with a bent coathanger and aluminum foil
He installs a set of bullhorns on the front of the saucer section
He says "Got your ears on, good buddy" instead of "open hailing
frequencies"
He hangs fuzzy dice over the viewscreen
He rewires his communicator into his belt buckle
He keeps a six-pack under his command chair and a gun rack above it
He says "Yee-Ha!" instead of "Engage"
He has a hand-tooled holster for his phaser
He insists on calling his executive officer "Bubba"
He sets the fore viewscreen to reruns of "Bassmaster"
He programs the food replicator for beer, ribs, more...

Your shuttlecraft has been up on blocks for over a month.
He paints flames and a NRA sticker on the warp nacelles.
You have a shuttle called "Billy Joe Bob".
He refers to Klingons as "Critters".
He refers to Photon Torpedoes as "Popguns".
He has the sensor array repaired with a bent coathanger and aluminum foil.
He installs a set of bullhorns on the front of the saucer section.
He says "Got your ears on, good buddy" instead of "open hailing frequencies".
He hangs fuzzy dice over the viewscreen.
He rewires his communicator into his belt buckle.
He keeps a six-pack under his command chair and a gun rack above it.
He says "Yee-Ha!" instead of "Engage".
He has a hand-tooled holster for his phaser.
He insists on calling his executive officer "Bubba".
He sets the fore viewscreen to reruns of "Bassmaster".
He programs the food replicator for more...

Your shuttlecraft has been up on blocks for over a month.He paints flames and a NRA sticker on the warp nacelles.You have a shuttle called "Billy Joe Bob".He refers to Klingons as "Critters".He refers to Photon Torpedoes as "Popguns".He has the sensor array repaired with a bent coathanger and aluminum foil.He installs a set of bullhorns on the front of the saucer section.He says "Got your ears on, good buddy" instead of "open hailing frequencies".He hangs fuzzy dice over the viewscreen.He rewires his communicator into his belt buckle.He keeps a six-pack under his command chair and a gun rack above it.He says "Yee-Ha!" instead of "Engage".He has a hand-tooled holster for his phaser.He insists on calling his executive officer "Bubba".He sets the fore viewscreen to reruns of "Bassmaster".He programs the food replicator for beer, ribs, and turnip greens.He paints the starship John Deere green.He more...

Your shuttlecraft has been up on blocks for over a month. He paints flames and a NRA sticker on the warp nacelles. You have a shuttle called "Billy Joe Bob". He refers to Klingons as "Critters". He refers to Photon Torpedoes as "Popguns". He has the sensor array repaired with a bent coathanger and aluminum foil. He installs a set of bullhorns on the front of the saucer section. He says "Got your ears on, good buddy" instead of "open hailing frequencies". He hangs fuzzy dice over the viewscreen. He rewires his communicator into his belt buckle. He keeps a six-pack under his command chair and a gun rack above it. He says "Yee-Ha!" instead of "Engage". He has a hand-tooled holster for his phaser. He insists on calling his executive officer "Bubba". He sets the fore viewscreen to reruns of "Bassmaster". He programs the food replicator for beer, ribs, and turnip greens. He paints the starship John more...

Your Starship Captain just might be a redneck if...
your shuttlecraft has been up on blocks for over a month
he paints flames and a NRA sticker on the warp nacelles
you have a shuttle called "Billy Joe Bob"
he refers to Klingons as "Critters"
he refers to Photon Torpedoes as "Popguns"
he has the sensor array repaired with a bent coathanger and aluminum foil
he installs a set of bullhorns on the front of the saucer section
he says, "Got your ears on, good buddy" instead of "open hailing frequencies"
he hangs fuzzy dice over the viewscreen
he rewires his communicator into his belt buckle
he keeps a six-pack under his command chair and a gun rack above it
he says, "Yee-Ha!" instead of "Engage"
he has a hand-tooled holster for his phaser
he insists on calling his executive officer "Bubba"
he sets the fore viewscreen to reruns of more...

Top 10 Ways To Shut Up A Non-Trek Girlfriend Without Killing Her10. Tell her "Your ears canna stan the strain!" 9. Vulcan Neck Pinch. 8. Have an Android made of her then when she starts speaking tell her to "Shut Up!" (See, "I, Mudd" - TOS episode). 7. Wave Phaser in her face and tell her you will stun her with it. 6. Use transporter to split her into two separate personalities. Phaser Evil Girlfriend and keep Good Girlfriend. (See, "The Enemy Within" - TOS episode). 5. Tell her your watching the episode where Picard gets naked. 4. Ask if she wants to see the Picard Maneuver. 3. Try, "Computer - End Program." 2. Tell her she's in violation of the Prime Directive and she is interfering with a lesser developed civilization. 1. Borg her.