Phaser Jokes

Life Will Not Be Like Star Trek-----------------------------------------There are so many Star Trek(tm) spin-offs that it is easy to fool yourself into thinking that the Star Trek vision is an accurate vision of the future. Sadly, Star Trek does not take into account the stupidity, selfishness, and horniness of the average human being. Allow me to describe some of the more obvious errors in the Star Trek vision. Medical Technology------------------------On Star Trek, the doctors have handheld devices that instantly close any openings in the skin. Imagine that sort of device in the hands of your unscrupulous friends. They would sneak up behind you and sealyour ass shut as a practical joke. The devices would be sold in novelty stores instead of medical outlets. All things considered, I'm happy that it's not easy to close other people's orifices. Transporter--------------It would be great to be able to beam your molecules across space and then reassemble them. The only problem is that more...

Your shuttle craft has been up on blocks for over a month.You paint flames and a NRA sticker on the warp nacelles.You have a shuttle called "Billy Joe Bob"You refer to Klingons as "Critters"You refer to Photon Torpedoes as "Popguns"You have the sensor array repaired with a bent coat hanger and aluminum foil.You install a set of bullhorns on the front of the saucer section.You say "Got your ears on, good buddy" instead of "open hailing frequencies."You hang fuzzy dice over the view screen.You rewire your communicator into your belt buckle.You keep a six-pack under your command chair and a gun rack above it.You say "Yee-Ha!" instead of "Engage"
You have a hand-tooled holster for your phaser.You insist on calling your executive officer "Bubba."You set the fore view screen to reruns of "Bassmaster."You program the food replicator for beer, ribs, and turnip greens.You paint the starship John Deere more...

Your shuttlecraft has been up on blocks for over a month
He paints flames and a NRA sticker on the warp nacelles
You have a shuttle called "Billy Joe Bob"
He refers to Klingons as "Critters"
He refers to Photon Torpedoes as "Popguns"
He has the sensor array repaired with a bent coathanger and aluminum foil
He installs a set of bullhorns on the front of the saucer section
He says "Got your ears on, good buddy" instead of "open hailing
frequencies"
He hangs fuzzy dice over the viewscreen
He rewires his communicator into his belt buckle
He keeps a six-pack under his command chair and a gun rack above it
He says "Yee-Ha!" instead of "Engage"
He has a hand-tooled holster for his phaser
He insists on calling his executive officer "Bubba"
He sets the fore viewscreen to reruns of "Bassmaster"
He programs the food replicator for beer, ribs, more...

Your shuttlecraft has been up on blocks for over a month.
He paints flames and a NRA sticker on the warp nacelles.
You have a shuttle called "Billy Joe Bob".
He refers to Klingons as "Critters".
He refers to Photon Torpedoes as "Popguns".
He has the sensor array repaired with a bent coathanger and aluminum foil.
He installs a set of bullhorns on the front of the saucer section.
He says "Got your ears on, good buddy" instead of "open hailing frequencies".
He hangs fuzzy dice over the viewscreen.
He rewires his communicator into his belt buckle.
He keeps a six-pack under his command chair and a gun rack above it.
He says "Yee-Ha!" instead of "Engage".
He has a hand-tooled holster for his phaser.
He insists on calling his executive officer "Bubba".
He sets the fore viewscreen to reruns of "Bassmaster".
He programs the food replicator for more...

Your shuttlecraft has been up on blocks for over a month.He paints flames and a NRA sticker on the warp nacelles.You have a shuttle called "Billy Joe Bob".He refers to Klingons as "Critters".He refers to Photon Torpedoes as "Popguns".He has the sensor array repaired with a bent coathanger and aluminum foil.He installs a set of bullhorns on the front of the saucer section.He says "Got your ears on, good buddy" instead of "open hailing frequencies".He hangs fuzzy dice over the viewscreen.He rewires his communicator into his belt buckle.He keeps a six-pack under his command chair and a gun rack above it.He says "Yee-Ha!" instead of "Engage".He has a hand-tooled holster for his phaser.He insists on calling his executive officer "Bubba".He sets the fore viewscreen to reruns of "Bassmaster".He programs the food replicator for beer, ribs, and turnip greens.He paints the starship John Deere green.He more...