Philadelphia Jokes / Recent Jokes

A college professor asked his class a question. If Philadelphia is 100 miles from New York and Chicago is 1000 miles from Philadelphia and Los Angles is 2000 miles from Chicago, how old am I.
One student in the back of the class raised his hand and when called upon said' Professor your 44..'
The Professor said' you're absolutely correct, but tell me how did you arrive at the answer so quickly?'
The student said.' You see professor I have a brother, he's 22 and he's half mad.'

A college professor asked his class a question. "If Philadelphia is 100 miles from New York and Chicago is 1000 miles from Philadelphia and Los Angeles is 2000 miles from Chicago, how old am I?"

One student in the back of the class raised his hand and when called upon said "Professor you're 44.."

The Professor said "You're absolutely correct, but tell me, how did you arrive at the answer so quickly?"

The student said. "You see professor, I have a brother; he's 22, and he's half nuts. . . "

PRESS RELEASE
Microsoft Corporation today announced plans to buy the Philadelphia Mint from the United States government. Final details of the transaction were hammered out in an all night bargaining session which included President Bill Clinton representing the US, and four unnamed chorus girls. An obviously fatigued and smiling Clinton emerged from the meeting and stated that he saw no chance that there would be opposition from anyone within the government. In an effort to appease regulators, Microsoft gave a copy of Windows NT and a box of paper clips to Novell.
Microsoft said it intends to print money in direct competition with the US Government. Microsoft chairman, Bill Gates, declared, "The Government has no vision and we intend to eventually take over all operations." The official announcement was made by Microsoft spokesman, Brad Silverberg, who showed reporters an alpha version of the currency Microsoft will release next year. The currency, called simply more...

Two men are driving through Philadelphia when they get pulled over by a Highway Patrolman. The cop walks up and taps on the window with his nightstick. The driver rolls down the window and WHACK, the cop smacks him in the head with the stick. The driver asks, "What the hell was that for?" The cop answers, "You're in Philadelphia son. When we pull you over, you better have your license ready when we get to your car." The driver says, "I'm sorry, Officer, I'm not from around here." The cop runs a check on the guy's license, and he's clean. He gives the guy his license back, walks around to the passenger side and taps on the window. The passenger rolls down the window and WHACK, the cop smacks him on the head with the nightstick. The passenger asks, "What'd you do that for?" The cop says, "Just making your wish come true." The passenger asks, "Making what wish come true?" The cop says, "I know that two miles down the road more...

Two men are driving through Philadelphia when they get pulled over by a Highway Patrolman. The cop walks up and taps on the window with his nightstick.
The driver rolls down the window and WHACK, the cop smacks him in the head with the stick. The driver asks, "What the hell was that for?"
The cop answers, "You're in Philadelphia son.
When we pull you over, you better have your license ready when we get to your car." The driver says, "I'm sorry, Officer, I'm not from around here."
The cop runs a check on the guy's license, and he's clean. He gives the guy his license back, walks around to the passenger side and taps on the window. The passenger rolls down the window and WHACK, the cop smacks him on the head with the nightstick.
The passenger asks, "What'd you do that for?"
The cop says, "Just making your wish come true."
The passenger asks, "Making what wish come true?"
The cop says, "I more...

' 'Heavyweight Chomp'' - Philadelphia Inquirer.
' 'Undisputed Chomp'' - USA TODAY.
' 'World Chomp'' - The Sun (London).
' 'Requiem for a Chompion'' - Philadelphia Daily News.
' 'Sucker Munch'' - The Sun (London).
' 'Biting Back: Evander has public's ear'' - Daily News, New York.
' 'Toss Tyson Out on Ear'' - Daily News, New York.
' 'Ear Flap'' - Newsday.
' 'Ears Have It! Evander Wins'' - Montgomery (Ala.) Advertiser.
' 'Tyson's Behavior Hard to Swallow'' - Providence Journal-Bulletin.
' 'Dracula'' - New York Post.
' 'Champ Chewing Over Legal Options'' - New York Post.
' 'It's Tyson's Nature to (Ch)eat'' - New York Post.
' 'For Tyson, Tooth Hurts'' - New York Post.
' 'Now Ear This: Rematch is Possible'' - New York Post.
' 'Lobe Blow for Boxing'' - The Tennessean.
' 'Iron Mike Goes Down Biting'' - The Sunday Oklahoman.
' 'Tyson Doesn't Gnaw What's Next'' - The Daily Oklahoman.
' 'Ear of Scorn'' - more...

Philadelphia's Ryan Howard is on the verge of reaching 60 homeruns. The record books will carry an asterisk to show that Howard didn’t cheat.