Philadelphia Jokes / Recent Jokes
Philadelphia - Authorities who believed they had a bomb on their hands yesterday are now trying to figure out where a box of cooked crayfish originated and where it was going.
The box was found between two cars early yesterday in a parking garage near a terminal at Philadelphia International Airport. Police dog Teddy confirmed something was fishy.
Airport spokesman Mark Pesce said the package, about the size of a shoe box, was wrapped in duct tape and had no mailing address.
"It didn't look like an average traveling box," Pesce said.
After some sniffing around, investigators summoned firefighters, bomb squad members and a robot used to detonate explosives. X-rays then showed the package contained only the small crustaceans essential to Cajun cooking.
"We were hoping it was cookies," Pesce said.
From The Daily Collegian
A man stepped onto the overnight train and told the conductor, "I need you to wake me up in Philadelphia. I'm a deep sleeper and can be ornery when I get up, but no matter what, I want you to help me make that stop. Here's $100 to make sure."
The conductor agreed. The man fell asleep, and when he awoke he heard the announcement that the train was approaching New York. Furious, he collared the conductor. "I gave you $100 to make sure I got off in Philadelphia, you worthless fool!"
"Wow," another passenger said to his traveling companion. "Is that guy ever mad!"
"Yeah," his companion replied. "But not half as mad as that guy they forced off the train in Philadelphia."
PLEASE ENGAGE BRAIN BEFORE SPEAKING
Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny like that but not with all those flies and death and stuff.
- Mariah Carey
Question: If you could live forever, would you and why?
Answer: I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever.
- Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss Universe contest
Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana... The researchers also discovered other similarities between the two, but can't remember what they are.
- Matt Lauer on NBC's Today show, August 22
I haven't committed a crime.
What I did was fail to comply with the law.
- David Dinkins, New York City Mayor, answering accusations that he failed to pay more...