Philosopher Jokes / Recent Jokes
The mathematician only needs paper, pencil, and a trash bin for his work - the philosopher can do without the trash bin.
In ancient Greece, Socrates was reputed to hold knowledge in the highest esteem.
One day an acquaintance met the great philosopher and said, "Socrates, do you know what I just heard about your friend?"
"Hold on a minute," Socrates replied. "Before telling me anything I'd like you to pass a little test. It's called the Triple Filter Test."
"Triple filter?"
"That's right," Socrates continued. "Before you talk to me about my friend, it might be a good idea to take a moment and filter what you're going to say.
The first filter is Truth. Have you made absolutely sure that what you are about to tell me is absolutely true?
"N o," the man said, "I actually just heard about it and..."
"All right," said Socrates. "So you don't really know if it's true or not. Now let's try the second filter, the filter of Goodness. Is what more...
A renowned philosopher was held in high regard by his chauffeur, who listened in awe at every speech while his boss would easily answer questions about morality and ethics.
Then one day the chauffeur approached the philosopher and asked if he was willing to switch roles for the evening's lecture. The philosopher agreed and, for a while, the chauffeur handled himself remarkably well.
When it came time for questions from the guests, a woman in the back asked, "Is the epistemological view of the universe still valid in an existentialist world?"
"That is an extremely simple question," he responded.
"So simple, in fact, that even my driver could answer that, which is exactly what he will do."
Three men: a philosopher, a mathematician and Santa, were out riding in the car when it crashed into a tree. Before anyone knows it, the three men found themselves standing before the Pearly Gates of Heaven, where St. Peter and the Devil were standing nearby.
"Gentlemen," the Devil started, "Due to the fact that Heaven is now overcrowded, therefore St Peter has agreed to limit the number of people entering Heaven. If anyone of you can ask me a question which I don't know or cannot answer, then you're worthy enough to go to Heaven; if not, then you'll come with me to Hell."
The philosopher then stepped up, "OK, give me the most comprehensive report on Socrates' teachings," With a snap of his finger, a stack of paper appeared next to the Devil. The philosopher read it and concluded it was correct. "Then, go to Hell!" With another snap of his finger, the philosopher disappeared.
The mathematician then asked, "Give me the most more...
The weeper
"You all hate me" is the typical line used by the weeper numerous times during the party. She is likely to spend most of the evening in the rest room holding the hand of a friend, who is patiently listening to her anguish, tears, and whiny vomiting. The weeper is a phase most girls go through when they get drunk for the first time every year.
The DAMP child
She is the cheerful type who does excessively energetic cartwheels and juggles beer bottles while claiming "I'm not drunk, I'm just in a really good mood", even though her eyes are rolling around in her head and her cheeks are blushing. She is simply impossible to bear in the long run and is likely to be sent into the kitchen to do the dishes. This type may turn into the weeper during the late hours.
Biker chick
This type goes into macho mode when she gets drunk. She becomes boastful and loud and belches a lot. She usually hangs out with the guys shocking them with foul-smelling, more...
Q: What is the difference between a Ph. D. in mathematics and a large pizza?
A: A large pizza can feed a family of four...
Q: What is the difference between a mathematician and a philosopher?
A: The mathematician only needs paper, pencil, and a trash bin for his work - the philosopher can do without the trash bin...
Q: What do you get if you add two apples and three apples?
A: A high school math problem!
Q: What does the zero say to the the eight?
A: Nice belt!
Q: How does one insult a mathematician?
A: You say: "Your brain is smaller than any >0!"
Q: What does a mathematician present to his fiancée when he wants to propose?
A: A polynomial ring!
Q: Why do you rarely find mathematicians spending time at the beach?
A: Because they have sine and cosine to get a tan and don't need the sun!
Q: Why do mathematicians, after a dinner at a Chinese restaurant, always insist on taking the leftovers home?
A: more...
A philosopher always knows what to do until it happens to him.