Philosopher Jokes / Recent Jokes

The thoroughly secular young attorney and the philosopher were engaged in fierce theological debate: "Heaven and hell, you will agree, may very well be separated by a wall," contended the lawyer. Should it happen that this wall would fall down, who would you say must rebuild it?"The righteous would insist that the wicked do it; the latter would likely refuse. If this case came before a judge, which do you believe would emerge the winner?""It seems to me," replied the philosopher, "that any fair-minded judge would render a verdict against the wicked, since the likelihood is that the wall should crumble from the fires of hell rather than from the bliss of Paradise."On the other hand," he concluded, "I fully realize that hell surely contains a full quota of glib-tongued lawyers, and I should therefore not be surprised if they won the case."

The First Law of Philosophy: For every philosopher, there exists an equal and opposite philosopher.The Second Law of Philosophy: They're both wrong.

A renowned philosopher was held in high regard by his driver, who listened in awe at every speech while his boss would easily answer questions about morality and ethics.Then one day the driver approached the philosopher and asked if he was willing to switch roles for the evening's lecture. The philosopher agreed and, for a while, the driver handled himself remarkably well. When it came time for questions from the guests, a woman in the back asked, "Is the epistemological view of the universe still valid in an existentialist world?""That is an extremely simple question," he responded. "So simple, in fact, that even my driver could answer that, which is exactly what he will do."

A philosopher once had the following dream.First Aristotle appeared, and the philosopher said to him, "Could you give me a fifteen-minute capsule sketch of your entire philosophy?" To the philosopher's surprise, Aristotle gave him an excellent exposition in which he compressed an enormous amount of material into a mere fifteen minutes. But then the philosopher raised a certain objection which Aristotle couldn't answer. Confounded, Aristotle disappeared.Then Plato appeared. The same thing happened again, and the philosophers' objection to Plato was the same as his objection to Aristotle. Plato also couldn't answer it and disappeared.Then all the famous philosophers of history appeared one-by-one and our philosopher refuted every one with the same objection.After the last philosopher vanished, our philosopher said to himself, "I know I'm asleep and dreaming all this. Yet I've found a universal refutation for all philosophical systems! Tomorrow when I wake up, I will more...

Found Parable by J.D. McClatchy (published in the 15 November 1993 issue of the New Yorker, p. 72)
In the men's room at the office today
some wag has labelled the two stalls
the Erotic and the Political.
The second seems suitable for the results
of my business, not for what thinking
ordinarily accompanies it.
So I've locked myself into the first because,
though farther from the light bulb overhead,
it remains the more conventional
and thereby illuminating choice.
The on its walls is more desperate.
As if I had written them
there myself, but only because by now
I have seen them day after day,
I know each boast, each plea,
the runty widower's resentments,
the phone number for good head.
Today's fresh drawing:
a woman's torso, neck to outflung knees,
with breasts like targets and at her crotch
red felt-tip "hair" to guard
a treasure half would, half wisecrack.
The first critic of desire more...

The First Law of Philosophy: For every philosopher, there exists an equal and opposite philosopher.The Second Law of Philosophy: They`re both wrong.

A philosopher once had the following dream.First Aristotle appeared, and the philosopher said to him, "Could you give me a fifteen-minute capsule sketch of your entire philosophy?" To the philosopher`s surprise, Aristotle gave him an excellent exposition in which he compressed an enormous amount of material into a mere fifteen minutes. But then the philosopher raised a certain objection which Aristotle couldn`t answer. Confounded, Aristotle disappeared.Then Plato appeared. The same thing happened again, and the philosophers` objection to Plato was the same as his objection to Aristotle. Plato also couldn`t answer it and disappeared.Then all the famous philosophers of history appeared one-by-one and our philosopher refuted every one with the same objection.After the last philosopher vanished, our philosopher said to himself, "I know I`m asleep and dreaming all this. Yet I`ve found a universal refutation for all philosophical systems! Tomorrow when I wake up, I will more...