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The famous genius Jara da Cimrman worked in many branches. One of them was Philosophy.
He created a philosophical system called "Externism". Its roots are in solipsism.
A solipsist says: "The world does not exist. The only real thing is myself. Everything exists only in my mind."
Jara da Cimrman reversed the principle. In his lecture read at the world philosophical congress in Basel, Switherland, he declared: "I do not exist. The only thing that is real is the external world (thence 'externism')."
He was severely criticized by many oponents and one of them (Cimrman's traditional rival) thought he could make everybody laugh at Cimrman by saying: "If Jara Cimrman states that he does not exist, how is it possible that he formed his philosophy?"
Everyone thought that this reasoning cannot be beaten.
But Jara answered in a way that became part of the history of philosophy (so called Basel Reply): "When I do not exist, it more...

A philosopher once had the following dream.First Aristotle appeared, and the philosopher said to him, "Could you give me a fifteen-minute capsule sketch of your entire philosophy?" To the philosopher's surprise, Aristotle gave him an excellent exposition in which he compressed an enormous amount of material into a mere fifteen minutes. But then the philosopher raised a certain objection which Aristotle couldn't answer. Confounded, Aristotle disappeared.Then Plato appeared. The same thing happened again, and the philosophers' objection to Plato was the same as his objection to Aristotle. Plato also couldn't answer it and disappeared.Then all the famous philosophers of history appeared one-by-one and our philosopher refuted every one with the same objection.After the last philosopher vanished, our philosopher said to himself, "I know I'm asleep and dreaming all this. Yet I've found a universal refutation for all philosophical systems! Tomorrow when I wake up, I will more...

A philosophical friend of ours points out that at cocktail parties the men usually stand around getting stiff, and the women are usually tight, but when they get home they frequently find that neither is either.

A philosopher once had the following dream.First Aristotle appeared, and the philosopher said to him, "Could you give me a fifteen-minute capsule sketch of your entire philosophy?" To the philosopher`s surprise, Aristotle gave him an excellent exposition in which he compressed an enormous amount of material into a mere fifteen minutes. But then the philosopher raised a certain objection which Aristotle couldn`t answer. Confounded, Aristotle disappeared.Then Plato appeared. The same thing happened again, and the philosophers` objection to Plato was the same as his objection to Aristotle. Plato also couldn`t answer it and disappeared.Then all the famous philosophers of history appeared one-by-one and our philosopher refuted every one with the same objection.After the last philosopher vanished, our philosopher said to himself, "I know I`m asleep and dreaming all this. Yet I`ve found a universal refutation for all philosophical systems! Tomorrow when I wake up, I will more...