Physical Jokes / Recent Jokes
Organic chemistry is the chemistry of carbon compounds. Biochemistry is the study of carbon compounds that crawl. - Mike Adams
Chemicals: Noxious substances from which modern foods are made.
Remember, if you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate!
There is the joke about the homeopath who forgot to take his medicine and died of an overdose.
How many physical chemists does it take to wash a beaker?
None. That's what organic chemists are for!
It is disconcerting to reflect on the number of students we have flunked in chemistry for not knowing what we later found to be untrue. -quoted in Robert L. Weber, Science With a Smile (1992)
Physical Chemistry is research on everything for which the negative logaritm is linear with 1/T - D.L. Bunker
Q: What weapon can you make from the Chemicals Potassium, Nickel and Iron?
A: KNiFe.
Organic chemistry is the chemistry of carbon compounds. Biochemistry is the study of carbon compounds that crawl. -- Mike Adams
Chemicals: Noxious substances from which modern foods are made.
Remember, if you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate!
There is the joke about the homeopath who forgot to take his medicine and died of an overdose.
How many physical chemists does it take to wash a beaker?
None. That's what organic chemists are for!
It is disconcerting to reflect on the number of students we have flunked in chemistry for not knowing what we later found to be untrue. --quoted in Robert L. Weber, Science With a Smile (1992)
Physical Chemistry is research on everything for which the negative logaritm is linear with 1/T -- D. L. Bunker
Q: What weapon can you make from the Chemicals Potassium, Nickel and Iron?
A: KNiFe.
Q: How many physical chemists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Only one, but he'll change it three times, plot a straight line through the data, and then extrapolate to zero concentration.
"A super-saturated solution is one that holds more than it can hold."
Isaac Asimov said that if you want to find a chemist, ask him/her to discuss the following words: 1) mole 2) unionized. As he so eloquently put it, "If he starts talking about furry animals and organized labor, keep walking."
Make it myself? But I'm a physical organic chemist!
Definition: (Fe)male: Male with iron added, for greater strength, ductility, and magnetisim.
Acid is base.
Q: Why do chemists like nitrates so much?
A: They're cheaper than day rates.
"Scale keeps forming inside the kettle", complained Tom, recalcitrantly.
A doctor had the reputation of helping couples increase the joy in their sex life, but always promised not to take a case if he felt he could not help them. The Browns came to see the doctor. He gave them thorough physical exams, psychological exams, and various tests, then concluded, "Yes, I am happy to say that I believe I can help you. On your way home from my office stop at the grocery store and buy some grapes and some doughnuts." "Go home, take off your clothes, and you, sir, roll the grapes across the floor until you make a bulls eye in your wife's' love canal'. Then, on hands and knees you must crawl to her like a leopard and retrieve the grape using only your tongue." "Then next, ma'am, you must take the doughnuts and from across the room, toss them at your husband until you make a ringer around his' love pole'. Then, like a lioness, you must crawl to him and consume the doughnut." The couple went home and their sex life became more and more more...
The middle-aged woman came back from her physical with a smile on her face. »
"Why the grin?" asked her sour-faced husband.
"Because," she boasted, "Dr. Berkowitz told me I have the bust of a woman half my age."
"Oh, yeah? And what about your sixty-year-old ass?"
The woman answered, "Come to think of it, he didn't say a thing about you."
A lesbian goes to her doctor for her annual physical.
After the doctor completes the physical, she says, "You can get dressed now. Your test results will be back in a few days. Stop by my office and I'll review the exam I just gave you."
When the patient gets to the office, the doctor says, "Well, you seem to be in perfect health. I couldn't find a thing wrong in my exam. Furthermore, I'd like to compliment you on your excellent personal hygiene. I have hundreds of patients, and I can't think of a one of them who keeps her genital area so clean and fresh."
The patient says, "Well, there's a perfectly good reason for that. .. you see, I have a woman in at least three times a week."
A draftee went in for his physical wearing a truss and with a little convincing acting got his papers marked M. E. for Medically Exempt. Afterward a friend borrowed the truss to wear for his physical. At the end of the examination the doctor stamped M. E. on his papers."Does that mean Im medically exempt?" he asked."No," answered the doctor. "M. E. stands for Middle East. Anyone who can wear a truss upside down can certainly ride a camel."