Piano Jokes / Recent Jokes

A man walks into a bar and hears piano music. He looks at the piano and
can't see anyone sitting there, so he walks over and discovers a foot-tall
man standing on the piano bench playing the tune of Dixie-Girl. The man
thought that this was strange so he goes over to the bartender and asks
where the man came from.
"Here," says the bartender, handing the man a genie lamp, "rub this."
So the man rubs the lamp and out comes this genie.
"What do you wish for?" asks the genie.
"A million bucks," the man states, quite sure of himself.
"Granted." And the genie claps his hands and disappeared back into the
lamp.
The man looks around, checks his wallet but can't find a million bucks
anywhere. Just that moment, a million ducks fly through the bar.
Astounded the man says: "Hey! I didn't ask for a million ducks!"
"Do you think that I asked for a 12 inch pianist?" replied more...

The principal singer of nineteenth-century opera was called pre-Madonna.It is easy to teach anyone to play the maracas. Just grip the neck and shake him in rhythm.Gregorian chant has no music, just singers singing the same lines.Sherbet composed the Unfinished Symphony.At one time singers had to use musicians to accompany them. Since synthesizers came along, singers can now play themselves.All female parts were sung by castrati. We don't know exactly what they sounded like because there are no known descendants.Young scholars have expressed their rapture for the Bronze Lullaby, the Taco Bell Cannon, Beethoven's Erotica, Tchaikovsky Cracknutter Suite, and Gershwin's Rap City in Blue.Music sung by two people at the same time is called a duel; if they sing without music it is called Acapulco.A virtuoso is a musician with real high morals.Contralto is a low sort of music that only ladies sing.Diatonic is a low calorie Schweppes.Probably the most marvellous fugue was the one between the more...

Knock Knock
Who's there!
Tuna!
Tuna who?
You can tuna a piano, but you can't tuna fish! Knock Knock
Who's there!
Tuna!
Tuna who?
Tuna your radio down, I'm trying to get some sleep! Knock Knock
Who's there!
Tuna!
Tuna who?
Tuna piano and it'll sound better!

"Why do you close your eyes while playing the piano?"

"I can''t see the agony of the audience."

Amazing Geanie
This man walks into a bar with an old shopping bag in hand. He sets the bag on top of the bar and
pulls up his stool. The bartender comes over and asks what he'll have to swill. As he states his
preference, something in the bag is moving around shaking the paper bag. The bartender gives a
puzzled look but proceeds to the tap. As he's filling the mug, he looks at the bag again and sees that
something is still moving around in the bag. He brings the beer over and places it in front of the man.
His curiosity gets the best of him and he asks the man what he's got in the bag. The man reaches
into the bag and pulls out a little piano and sets it on the bar... the bartender looks intently at the
piano as the man again reaches into the bag... pulling out a small piano bench. He places the bench
in front of the piano and again reaches into the bag pulling out a foot tall man. The man sits at the
piano and begins playing.
The more...

With the Holiday Season upon us it is important to understand how much our
parties are appreciated. Please use the listing below as reference.

Gauging the level of your Christmas Party
Festivity Level 1
Your guests are chatting amiably with each other, admiring your Christmas tree
ornaments, singing carols around the upright piano, sipping at their drinks and
nibbling hors d'oeuvres.
Festivity Level 2
Your guests are talking loudly -- sometimes to each other, and sometimes to
nobody at all, rearranging your Christmas tree ornaments, singing "I Gotta Be
Me" around the upright piano, gulping their drinks and wolfing down hors
d'oeuvres.
Festivity Level 3
Your guests are arguing violently with inanimate objects, singing "I can't get
no satisfaction," gulping down other peoples' drinks, wolfing down Christmas
tree ornaments and placing hors d'oeuvres in the upright piano to see more...

So, this guy, Bill is sitting in a bar and pulls out this tiny little piano and a little guy about a foot tall. The little guy sits down and starts playing the piano quite beautifully.
The fellow on the next bar stool, Joe, says 'That's amazing. Where did you get him?'
Bill answers 'well, I got this magic lamp with a genie.'
So Joe asks 'that's great, could I use it?' Bill says 'sure ' and hands him the lamp. Joe rubs the lamp and out comes the genie. He continued, 'I want a million bucks'. Suddenly the room is entirely filled with quacking ducks!
Joe exclaims 'Hey! I asked for 1 million BUCKS! Not DUCKS!' Bill explained.
'Yes, the genie is a bit deaf. You don't think I really asked for a twelve inch pianist do you?