"The Festive Season" joke

With the Holiday Season upon us it is important to understand how much our
parties are appreciated. Please use the listing below as reference.

Gauging the level of your Christmas Party
Festivity Level 1
Your guests are chatting amiably with each other, admiring your Christmas tree
ornaments, singing carols around the upright piano, sipping at their drinks and
nibbling hors d'oeuvres.
Festivity Level 2
Your guests are talking loudly -- sometimes to each other, and sometimes to
nobody at all, rearranging your Christmas tree ornaments, singing "I Gotta Be
Me" around the upright piano, gulping their drinks and wolfing down hors
d'oeuvres.
Festivity Level 3
Your guests are arguing violently with inanimate objects, singing "I can't get
no satisfaction," gulping down other peoples' drinks, wolfing down Christmas
tree ornaments and placing hors d'oeuvres in the upright piano to see what
happens when the little hammers strike.
Festivity Level 4
Your guests, hors d'oeuvres smeared all over their naked bodies are performing
a ritual dance around the burning Christmas tree. The piano is missing.
You want to keep your party somewhere around level 3, unless you rent your
home and own firearms, in which case you can go to level 4. The best way to
get to level 3 is egg-nog.