Upright Jokes

Festivity Level 1: Your guests are chatting amiably with each other, admiring your Christmas-tree ornaments, singing carols around the upright piano, sipping at their drinks and nibbling hors d'oeuvres. Festivity Level 2: Your guests are talking loudly -- sometimes to each other, and sometimes to nobody at all, rearranging your Christmas-tree ornaments, singing "I Gotta Be Me" around the upright piano, gulping their drinks and wolfing down hors d'oeuvres. Festivity Level 3: Your guests are arguing violently with inanimate objects, singing "I can't get no satisfaction," gulping down other peoples' drinks, wolfing down Christmas tree ornaments and placing hors d'oeuvres in the upright piano to see what happens when the little hammers strike. Festivity Level 4: Your guests, hors d'oeuvres smeared all over their naked bodies are performing a ritual dance around the burning Christmas tree. The piano is missing. You want to keep your party somewhere around level 3, more...

Two friends play cops and robbers as kids, and while one grows up to be a honest and upright cop, the other also grows up to be a honest upright cop!
A poor young man falls in love with a beautiful and very rich girl and when they approach the wealthy, arrogant and powerful father he happily gets them married!

Twins separated in a crowded mela grow up in separate towns, doing different jobs, marrying and having children, without ever meeting again!

Two very close friends fall in love with the same girl and in the touching climax both offer to sacrifice their love for the other and the girl finally declares that she`s a lesbian and decides to live-in with a girl she`s been seeing secretly!

Two young students in the same class in college manage to fall in love with each other without singing any songs in locations in Europe and without any attempt being made to rape the heroine by the local bully. They get married, have nine kids and live happily more...

Most people wish to fly on the old gauges at one time or another but are prevented by the high cost of the instruments necessary for this form of flight. The following is a more or less known and extremely simple method which may be used by all.

Place a live cat on the cockpit floor, because a cat always remains upright, he or she can be used in lieu of a needle and ball instrument. Merely watch to see which way he leans to determine if a wing is low and if so, which one. This will enable you to your aircraft level in route with complete accuracy and confidence.

A duck is used for final instrument approach and landing, because of the fact that any sensible old duck will refuse to fly under instrument conditions, it is only necessary to hurl your duck out of the cockpit window and follow her to the ground.

There are some limitations on the cat and duck method, but by rigidly adhering to the following check list a degree of success will be achieved which more...

Festivity Level 1
Your guests are chatting amiably with each other, admiring your Christmas tree ornaments, singing carols around the upright piano, sipping at their drinks and nibbling hors d'oeuvres.
Festivity Level 2
Your guests are talking loudly - sometimes to each other, and sometimes to nobody at all, rearranging your Christmas tree ornaments, singing "I Gotta Be Me" around the upright piano, gulping their drinks and wolfing down hors d'oeuvres.
Festivity Level 3
Your guests are arguing violently with inanimate objects, singing "I can't get no satisfaction," gulping down other peoples' drinks, wolfing down Christmas tree ornaments and placing hors d'oeuvres in the upright piano to see what
happens when the little hammers strike.
Festivity Level 4
Your guests, hors d'oeuvres smeared all over their naked bodies are performing a ritual dance around the burning Christmas tree. The piano is missing.
You want to keep your party more...

With the Holiday Season upon us it is important to understand how much our
parties are appreciated. Please use the listing below as reference.

Gauging the level of your Christmas Party
Festivity Level 1
Your guests are chatting amiably with each other, admiring your Christmas tree
ornaments, singing carols around the upright piano, sipping at their drinks and
nibbling hors d'oeuvres.
Festivity Level 2
Your guests are talking loudly -- sometimes to each other, and sometimes to
nobody at all, rearranging your Christmas tree ornaments, singing "I Gotta Be
Me" around the upright piano, gulping their drinks and wolfing down hors
d'oeuvres.
Festivity Level 3
Your guests are arguing violently with inanimate objects, singing "I can't get
no satisfaction," gulping down other peoples' drinks, wolfing down Christmas
tree ornaments and placing hors d'oeuvres in the upright piano to see more...