Piano Jokes / Recent Jokes

A doctor has come to see one of his patients in a hospital. The patient has had major surgery to both of his hands."Doctor," says the man excitedly and dramatically holds up his heavily bandaged hands. "Will I be able to play the piano when these bandages come off?""I don't see why not," replies the doctor."That's funny," says the man. "I wasn't able to play it before."

Q. What`s better than a rose on your piano?
A. Tulips on your organ.

One night a guy walked into a bar and sat down next to this guy. He looks over and sees that he has a little piano player playing beautiful music! He asks "where did you get that?" The other guy replies "See that guy at the end of the bar? He's a geinie, and he'll grant you a wish!" So the guy calls over to the geinie for a thousand bucks. POOF! All of a sudden a thousand DUCKS flew into the bar. So the guy says to the other guy with the little piano player "I think he has a hearing problem" The guy exclaimed "Do you think I asked for a 12-inch PIANIST?!?"

Bill walks into a bar. He sits down. He takes out a little tiny man and sits him on the bar. Takes out a little tiny piano. Sets it on the bar. The little tiny man starts playing the little tiny piano.Bob, who is sitting next to Bill, looks at him and says, "Holy crap. Where'd you get that?" Bill replies, "Well, I wished for it. Out back, behind the bar, there's a lamp with a genie in it. I rubbed it and he granted me a wish..."So Bob goes out behind the bar and sure enough, he finds a lamp. He rubs it and a genie comes out and says that he'll grant him one wish. "I wish for a million bucks!" Bob said. So the sky parts and a million ducks fall out. Bob walks back into the bar and sits back down next to Bill. "What the hell? I asked for a million bucks and I got a million DUCKS!" Bob said frustrated. Bill looks at Bob and nods. "Do you really think I asked for a 12 inch pianist?"

A mangy-lookin' guy goes into a bar and orders a drink. The bartender says "No way. I don't think you can pay for it." The guy says "You're right. I don't have any money, but if I show you something you haven't seen before, will you give me a drink?" The bartender says "Only if what you show me ain't risque." "Deal!" says the guy, as he reaches into his coat pocket and pulls out a hamster. He puts the hamster on the bar and it runs to the end of the bar, down a barstool, across the room, up the piano, jumps on the key board and starts playing Gershwin songs. And the hamster is really good. The bartender says, "You're right. I've never seen anything like that before. That hamster is truly good on the piano." The guy downs the drink and asks the bartender for another. "Money or another miracle else no drink," says the bartender. The guy reaches into his coat again and pulls out a frog. He puts the frog on the bar, and the frog more...

If you threw a party, the worst thing you could have done was throw the kind of party where your guests, the next day, call you up to say they had a nice time. Now you'll be expected to throw another great party next year.
What you should have done was throw the kind of party where your guests wake up several days from now and call their lawyers to find out if they've been indicted for anything. You want your guests to be so anxious to avoid a recurrence of your party that they immediately start planning parties of their own, a year in advance, just to prevent you from having another one.
So next time, make sure your party reaches the correct Festivity Level:
Festivity Level One:
Your guests are chatting amiably with each other, admiring your Christmas-tree ornaments, singing carols around the upright piano, sipping at their drinks and nibbling at hors d'oeuvres.
Festivity Level Two:
Your guests are talking loudly--sometimes to each other and sometimes to more...

A man walks into a bar and asks the bartender, “If I show you a really good trick, will you give me a free drink? ” The bartender considers it, and then agrees. The man reaches into his pocket and pulls out a tiny rat. He reaches into his other pocket and pulls out a tiny piano. The rat stretches, cracks his knuckles, and proceeds to play the blues. After the man finished his drink, he asked the bartender, “If I show you an even better trick, will you give me free drinks for the rest of the evening? ” The bartender agrees, thinking that no trick could possibly be better than the first. The man reaches into his pocket and pulls out a tiny rat. He reaches into his other pocket and pulls out a tiny piano. The rat stretches, cracks his knuckles, and proceeds to play the blues. The man reaches into another pocket and pulls out a small bullfrog, which begins to sing along with the rat’s music. While the man is enjoying his free drinks, a stranger confronts him and offers him more...