Piece Jokes / Recent Jokes
A magician is on a cruise liner with his parrot. The parrot had seen all the magician's tricks a zillion times and had figured out, long ago, how the magician made everything in the act disappear.
The magician had started to grow stale, not developing any new tricks, and the parrot was getting bored.
One night, midway through the magician's performance, the ship hit an iceberg and sank. Everyone drowned, except the magician and his parrot. The magician managed to swim to a piece of wreckage and climb aboard, immediately collapsing from exhaustion.
A short time later, the parrot flew to the magician and perched on the edge of the piece of wreckage and stared at the magician. And stared... and stared... and stared.
For one whole day the magician was unconscious and all this time the parrot never took his eyes off him. Eventually, the magician began to stir. Looking up, he saw the parrot, still eyeing him intently, without even blinking.
An hour went by and finally, more...
Q: What did Louis Farrakahn say to Mike Tyson after the fight?
A: No stupid an Eye for an Eye!!!
Tyson's psychologist told Mike to take a year off, he obviously misunderstood....good thing he didn't say two!
Tyson's favorite football team-the Tampa Bay Buc-an-EARS.
For the third fight between Mike and Evander, Tyson wants it to be held in Earie, PA.
New Tyson burger: There is a piece of the champ in every bite!!!
They are making a new boxing term for Tyson....instead of KO, it will be a Van Gogh. "Evander was Van Gogh'd in the third!!!"
Can't beat um...Eat um!!!
If Tyson fights Golatta, is it more points for a low blow or an ear bite?
In this corner Evander "the Real Meal" Holyfield!!!
Before the fight, Mike's trainer told him to get a piece of Holyfied. Oops, bad advice.
Iron BITE Tyson, the heavyweight CHOMP of the world!
7 wise men with knowlege so fine built a pussy to their own desighn 1st was a buthcher with good wit with a knife he gave it a slit 2nd was a carpenter who had a big mole with a hammer and chisel he gave ot a hole 3rd was a hunter short and stout with a piece of fox fur he lined it without 4th was a designer tall and thin with a piece of red velvet he lined it 5th was a fisherman who whipped out a fish and chucked it in and gave it a smell last was a sailsman dirty little runt he sucked it and fucked it and called it a CUNT!
Q: What did Louis Farrakahn say to Mike Tyson after the fight? A: No stupid an Eye for an Eye!!! Tyson's psychologist told Mike to take a year off, he obviously misunderstood....good thing he didn't say two! Tyson's favorite football team-the Tampa Bay Buc-an-EARS. For the third fight between Mike and Evander, Tyson wants it to be held in Earie, PA.New Tyson burger: There is a piece of the champ in every bite!!! They are making a new boxing term for Tyson....instead of KO, it will be a Van Gogh. "Evander was Van Gogh'd in the third!!!"Can't beat um...Eat um!!! If Tyson fights Golatta, is it more points for a low blow or an ear bite? In this corner Evander "the Real Meal" Holyfield!!! Before the fight, Mike's trainer told him to get a piece of Holyfied. Oops, bad advice.Iron BITE Tyson, the heavyweight CHOMP of the world!
If IBM made toasters...
They would want one big toaster where people bring bread to be submitted for overnight toasting. IBM would claim a worldwide market for five, maybe six toasters. If Microsoft made toasters...
Every time you bought a loaf of bread, you would have to buy a toaster. You wouldn't have to take the toaster, but you'd still have to pay for it anyway. Toaster'95 would weigh 15000 pounds (hence requiring a reinforced steel countertop), draw enough electricity to power a small city, take up 95% of the space in your kitchen, would claim to be the first toaster that let's you control how light or dark you want your toast to be, and would secretly interrogate your other appliances to find out who made them. Everyone would hate Microsoft toasters, but nonetheless would buy them since most of the good bread only works with their toasters. If Apple made toasters...
It would do everything the Microsoft toaster does, but 5 years earlier. The toast would make a more...
People are always on the lookout for a new diet. The trouble with most diets is that you don't get enough to eat (the starvation diet), you don't get enough variation ( the liquid diet) or you go broke (the all-meat diet). Consequently, people tend to cheat on their diets, or quit after 3 days. Well, now there's the new Toddler Miracle Diet! Over the years you may have noticed that most two years olds are trim. Now the formula to their success is available to all in this new diet. You may want to consult you doctor before embarking on this diet, otherwise, you may be seeing him afterwards. Good luck!!! DAY ONE---- Breakfast: One scrambled egg, one piece of toast with grape jelly. Eat 2 bites of egg, using your fingers; dump the rest on the floor. Take 1 bite of toast, then smear the jelly over your face and clothes. Lunch: Four crayons (any color), a handfull of potato chips, and a glass of milk ( 3 sips only, then spill the rest) Dinner: A dry stick, two pennies and a nickel, 4 sips more...
How did the blonde try to kill the bird... she threw it off of a cliff. How did the blonde break her leg raking leaves... she fell out of the tree. How did the blonde die, drinking milk... the cow stepped on her. How did the blonde burn her nose... bobbing for french fries. Why does a blonde only change her baby's diapers every month... the instructions stated, "good for up to 20 pounds". Why do blondes have see-through lunch box tops... so they can tell if they are going to work or going home, while on the bus. Why do men like blonde jokes... it is one thing they can understand. Why do blondes like lightning... they think someone is taking their picture. Why do blondes have little holes all over their faces... from eating with forks. Why do blondes have more fun... they are easier to keep amused. What do you call a brunette with a blonde on both sides... an interpreter. What do you call 20 blondes in a freezer... frosted flakes. What do you call a fly buzzing inside a more...