Pier Jokes / Recent Jokes

Two hunters traveled to Canada to hunt moose. They searched around and found a bush pilot with a good
reputation. They hired him and had him fly them to a cabin located by a small remote lake in the
Northwest Territories. The pilot carefully landed the plane on the lake, and let the two hunters off
at the pier. Over the roar of his engine, the pilot told them, "Now this lake is mighty short, and I
won't have much room to take off, so I can only take out one moose. OK, fellas?"
The hunters readily agreed. The pilot said he would return in one week, turned his plane around, and
flew off.
One week later, the pilot returned. He carefully landed his plane on the lake, pull up to the pier,
and looked out in dismay. There sat the two hunters on the pier, all smiles, with two dead moose. The
pilot shut off his engine, climbed out, and told the hunters, "Listen fellas. I told you, only one
moose."
Both hunters more...

As a midshipman I was assigned to a cruiser one summer. There was a boatswain’s mate, happened to be black, named Johnny Johnson in the first division and he stood watches in-port on the quarterdeck and on the bridge at sea. Some of his announcements on the 1MC (general announcement PA system) were classics -
In port, tied up to a pier in New York City:
“Now sweepahs sweepahs start your brooms. Sweep down all lower decks, ladders, and passageways. Empty all shit cans ovah da fantail. ”
A very pregnant pause
“Delay dat word on shit cans, empty all shit cans on da pier! ”
Another pause, now he’s obviously reading something written by the OOD.
“Delay dat word on shit cans, empty all trash _receptacles_ into the _containers_ provided on the pier. ”
This was a different day but he was piping “general visiting”
“Now all hands rig for genrahl visitin! All hands is reminded to watch der language, we got cunt aboard. ”

Said to be true:

There was a boatswain's mate named Johnny Johnson in the first division and he stood watches inport on the quarterdeck and on the bridge at sea. Some of his announcements on the 1MC (general announcement PA system) were classics ---

In port, tied up to a pier in New York City:

'Now sweepahs sweepahs start your brooms. Sweep down all lower decks, ladders, and passageways. Empty all shit cans ovah da fantail.'

A very pregnant pause' Delay dat word on shit cans, empty all shit cans on da pier!'

Another pause, now he's obviously reading something written by the OOD (Officer of the Deck).

'Delay dat word on shit cans, empty all trash *receptacles* into the *containers* provided on the pier.'

This was a different day but he was piping' general visiting'

'Now all hands rig for genrahl visitin! All hands is reminded to watch der language, we got cunt aboard.'

A Scottish old timer in Scotland, in a bar, talking to a young man. Old Man speaks; "Lad, look out there to the field. Do ya see that fence? Look how well it's built. I built that fence stone by stone with me own two hands. I piled it for months. But do they call me McGreggor-the Fence-Builder? Nooooo!"Then the old man gestured at the bar." Look here at the bar. Do ya see how smooth and just it is? I planed that surface down by me own achin' back. I carved that wood with me own hard labor, for eight days. But do they call me McGreggor-the Bar Builder? Nooooooo!"Then the old man points out the window." Eh, Laddy, look out to sea... Do ya see that pier that stretches out as far as the eye can see? I built that pier with the sweat off me back. I nailed it board by board. But do they call me McGreggor-thePier-Builder? Nooooo!"Then the old man looks around nervously, trying to make sure no one is paying attention and says: "But ya fuck one goat......"