Pies Jokes / Recent Jokes
'Twas the night before Christmas and all through the kitchen; I was cooking and baking and moanin and twitchin.
I've been here for hours, I can't stop to rest. This room's a disaster, just look at this mess!
Tomorrow I've got forty people to feed. They expect all the trimmings. Who cares what I need!
My feet are both blistered, and cramps in my legs. The cat just knocked over a bowl full of eggs.
There's a knock at the door and the telephone's ringing; Frosting drips on the counter as the microwave's dinging.
Two pies in the oven, desserts almost done, My cookbook is soiled with butter and crumbs.
I've had all I can stand, I can't take anymore; Then in walks my husband, spilling bourbon on the floor.
He weaves and he wobbles, his balance unsteady; Then grins as he chuckles "The eggnog is ready!"
He looks all around and with total regret, Says, "What's taking so long.... Aren't you through in here yet??"
As quick as a more...
One pie turns to the other and says "Hot enough for ya?" The other pies turns and says, "Holy sh*t! A talking pie!"
'Twas the night before Christmas and all through the kitchen;
I was cooking and baking and moanin and bitchin.
I've been here for hours; I can't stop to rest.
This room's a disaster, just look at this mess!
Tomorrow I've got thirty people to feed.
They expect all the trimmings. Who cares what I need!
My feet are both blistered; I've got cramps in my legs.
The cat just knocked over a bowl full of eggs.
There's a knock at the door and the telephones ringing
Frosting drips on the counter as the microwaves dinging.
Two pies in the oven, desserts almost done;
My cookbook is soiled with butter and crumbs.
I've had alI I can stand, I cant take anymore;
Then in walks my husband, spilling rum on the floor.
He weaves and he wobbles, his balance unsteady;
Then grins as he chuckles "The eggnog is ready!"
He looks all around and with total regret,
Says "What's taking so long, aren't you through in more...
Arkansas Governor Application First name:___________________Last name(if known):_______________________Address (where you live):Mother's name(list also relation, i.e., sister):__________________Birthdate(yours):____________________Father's name (if known, if not, list two possible choices)______________Color of neck: Light Red( ) Medium Red( ) Dark Red( ) No Neck( )Year of pickup truck:____________ Do you have the following in your truck: Fuzzy Dice( ) Gun Rack( ) Coon Tail( ) Filled ash tray( ) Used Condoms( ) Dead Road Kill( ) Dog of Unknown Breed( )Have you ever been to a large city? (Like Little Rock) Yes( ) No( )How far can you throw cow pies? __________ Do you eat cow pies? Yes( ) No( )Wife's name:__________________ Is she: Cousin( ) Neighbor( ) Sister( ) Mother( ) Neighbor's dog( ) Right hand( )Does your wife weigh: Less than 200 Pounds( ) Less than 300 Pounds( ) Less than a 747( ) More than a 747( )Do you know what a 747 is? Yes( ) No( )How much smarter than you is your wife: more...